A [Revised] Day In The Life Of...

This was the first video I uploaded to the blog, almost an entire year ago! I remember thinking little J was so big then! He didn't even have (visible) upper teeth yet! Look how little he was!

In November, I made a post entitled "A Day In the Life of..." and ran through a very detailed account of Jake's day. I just re-read it tonight, and I must say, it is amazing how much you forget and how quickly it all happens! I am so glad I have this blog, and I really hope Blogger never crashes, because I hope to read back on this one day and read all about the little things I'll probably forget.

Well, now I want to run through a day in the life of the TODDLER Jake. :)

We wake up now between 0730-0830. Today we'll go with our 0800 schedule since that's when he got up today. Yell, "MOMMY!!! DADA!!! MINNIE!!! BENCY!!!" He will start singing, or just talking "Dada-work" "I go out-side" until I muster up the oomph to get out of bed. Some mornings he will throw "Bear" or "blanky" out of his crib and then he starts yelling at them. I still hate morning, no matter the time. Side note: our schedule is not nearly as regimented as it once was. We talk for a minute. This morning he asked me about his Nena and Bop, He said "Nena? Go bye-bye? Bop, bye-bye?" He hands me Mr. Bear and blankie and we get up and change a very wet bedtime diaper. He sometimes still has a pooper for me when he gets up, but mostly he saves that for the clean, dry diaper immediately following breakfast. He's gotten to where he likes to hide when he stinks it up. We greet the dogs, let them outside, and he asks lots of "what's that's". He asks where Dada is and then we talk about Dada being at work. While I'm fixing breakfast, he comes to the kitchen and starts asking for nanas (bananas) and bilk (milk) We eat two of the following each morning, well, I guess I should say that 2 of the following are offered... he's gotten to where he is finicky from time to time.
banana
oatmeal
yogurt
fruit and grain bar
muffin
donuts
blueberries
and he has recently developed a love for my cold cereal

 I tell him to get in his chair for breakfast, referring to his high chair, and he ALWAYS climbs in the chairs at the table instead; and he sits there waiting, like I'm gonna change my mind that day. I put him in his high chair and give him breakfast. He eats several different things now. A most recent addition to his palate is biscuits & gravy and bacon. Anyone who followed me on facebook while I was pregnant with Jake knows that I was OBSESSED with eating that then. I'm happy to say that I passed on my love of biscuits and gravy to him. The one constant thing every morning, without fail, is always a cup full of milk. He sometimes still signs milk while he requests it. For a long time it was the only sign he wouldn't say the word to, but since he basically says all words he hears... he says it now. When he's done with his breakfast, he lets me know he's "all done".

0840- Play time. If I do cleaning now, he'll follow me around and "help" me clean. He likes to wipe down any and all surfaces and sweep. Or if he gets bored with it, he'll run off into his playroom to make a mess in there. He doesn't last long some days without my presence. He's gotten a little bit attached lately. Not complaining. :) But sometimes I do need a little space. So, when he gives out, we will go outside and play. The kid LOVES to be "ow-sigh". We like to go for a walk, or run errands now too. When we do run errands, I require a sweet tea from McDonald's and a certain someone in the back seat thinks we always gets "bies" (fries) when we go, so he requires a small fry. Whatever. It keeps him happy. Small price. When we go places, Jake loves to ham it up. I swear, he's better in public than he is just being at home. Thankful for that. He'll talk to anyone that will listen to him.

1130 is lunch time.

1200 is calm down time. I usually let him watch "Bickey" (Mickey Mouse Clubhouse) or "Gabba Gabba", and drink some milk while he sits in his little chair watching. Some days, like today... I give him his milk while I rock him and read to him. I have to be careful though, because books have become somewhat of a stall-tactic and attention-getter lately. If I'm not paying him enough attention, he brings me a book. And if we're getting ready to go somewhere, he brings me a book. His most favorite book right now is "Bunny, My Honey" which he lovingly refers to as "Honey". He loves to say it. I love to hear it. Works out.

Sometime between 1230 and 1:30 Jake lays down for his nap. He is, for the most part, a delightful little napper-baby. And, truuuust me, I LOVE it. He sleeps for a solid 3-4 hours during his nap most days. Yes, it is wonderful. And, no, I do not take it for granted ONE BIT. In fact, on some days you may or may not find me napping for part (or possibly all) of that 3-4 hours.

4:30-5:30 - wake up time. Sometimes he wakes up in a good mood, but some days here of late he's been waking up like a bear!! Oh, man. He definitely inherited that from me. I HATE waking up!! When he gets up, he gets a snack and a little cuddling/tv watching-waker-upper. I cook dinner, or attempt to.

5:45 - Dada comes home. Exciting!! Jake and Derick play and get happy and I finish preparing dinner. We eat and then head to the living room for fun times. Sometimes we go to the park or for a walk.

8:00 - bath time, followed by a cup of milk and calling Nena and Bop.

8:45-9:00 - bedtime. This includes snuggles, "kishesh" (kisses), bedtime prayers, and a bedtime book.

Our day today wasn't exactly like this though, because we had MOPS this morning and I had a dentist visit this afternoon. But, we did both get our nap in! ;)

It is so crazy how much he's changed in a year! This time last year, he was beginning to walk. This year, he's speaking full sentences. And by full sentences, I do mean, complete ideas spoken by him... not just phrases. His first sentence was, "is it off?" lol He's up to four word sentences now. At Jake's 18 month visit he was supposed to have a 50 word vocabulary... I stopped when I got to 50, because counting that many words is silly, but 50 doesn't even touch it. He will literally say whatever you tell him to say. And sometimes it doesn't sound so cute coming out of his little mouth. Dang it, butt, shoot... these things don't sound quite so cute when repeated. I don't even really know where he picked up butt as the identifying word for his rear-end. I've always called it a "tushka" haha, like the town.

It is so unbelievable how quickly their little minds develop. Some of the things he says are just too stinkin' funny. We have a good time with that little guy. I feel like I haven't really kept Jake updates up to date so it seems like he went from saying a few words to speaking full sentences overnight. It actually feels that way day-to-day too. I don't really even know when it happened!!



In other news, Jake goes to the allergist today for a scratch test. My hcg levels STILL have not hit zero... yes, I am STILL dealing with the ridiculousness!!! The levels are close though, a week ago, they were at 23, so they are SO CLOSE!! :)

Hope this day finds you well!!

Happy Wednesday, friends!

Wordless Wednesday

Oh my, my, my...

Let me start off by saying Jake is a healthy 28 1/2 pounds and is 34.5" tall. The 18 month old is almost 3 feet tall!!! He is TALL. Since May, he has gained 2.5 lbs and grown 1.5 inches. Anybody have any pointers on how to pause that growth so I can keep him little... let me know!

Jake and his "geen bawoon"

Well, as most of you might already know from my post on facebook... we now have a peanut allergy we have to be on alert about! That little guy really freaked us out good.

He has never eaten a lot of peanut butter, but it is not something we've kept from him either. In the past, I've offered him peanut butter and he's mostly refused it. Since last night, I have learned that is a sign of a food allergy. Good to know, right? The first time I offered it to him, he wouldn't even try the peanut butter and jelly sandwich... he spit it out. So, I never really gave him anything with peanut butter on it. I assumed he just didn't like it. Now what I've been told is that each encounter with the allergen may cause a more powerful response from the immune system. We were super lucky that hives, itchy eyes and a slightly swollen throat was as bad as it got! He ate peanut butter on animal crackers because he saw me eating them. He ate gobs of peanut butter. Literally within minutes of having ingested it, the kid had welts all over his face, neck and hands. His eyeballs and eyelids were bright red and they apparently were itching him really bad. He was rubbing his eyes and crying, "eyes! eyes, mommy!!" :( The bottle of benadryl, like most other medicines, does not say what to give a child under the age of 4. It says consult with a physician. Well, I didn't have time to do that, so he got a half teaspoon initially. Once we found out he should have had a full teaspoon, he was starting to make funny noises with his throat and was drooling... these are signs of an impending closure of the airway. Not good. Anyway, gave him the second half and with very watchful waiting, he started to feel better. However, anywhere he touched (because he obviously had peanut butter on his hands) brought hives back. So, he was quickly put in the tub for an early bath. And to think, we were literally headed out the door to go to church! I am the "everything's fine, he'll be ok" parent (because that's how I was raised lol) and Derick is much the opposite, probably because someone usually did have something wrong with them in his family. Jake's aunt actually had/has a ton of food allergies and it is familial. It was something I was really hoping my kids wouldn't inherit. But, I didn't get so lucky. Things could be worse, though! I'll take a peanut allergy any day over some of the things some kids have to go through. :) Anyway, Derick was right in this instance, but my calm presence was definitely necessary too. I'm proud to say that my calm-everyone-down-nurse instincts took over instead of my mommy-panic mode. Thank you very much. :)

Last night, we began our journey into the world of allergies. I was hoping to scathe past this part of parenthood. Oh well, here we go. Let the learning begin!

Today, we saw Jake's pediatrician. She gave us the basic run-down on food allergies, a few prescriptions for some emergency drugs, and a referral to a couple allergists in town. Jake had a lab draw-just allergy tests, and the boy has definitely inherited the good veins his daddy and I possess. That little AC was a beaut if I do say so myself! He was absolutely hilarious while he got his blood drawn. I was super nervous. It definitely didn't help that the kid before screamed her ever loving little head off. That made me nervous. Jake had no idea, so that made me sad for him. We got back there and the lady was like, "You guys wait here, I have to wait on my co-worker to help me hold him down". Greaaaaaat. It's already sounding worse than I had pictured it. They sat him in my lap, had me hold his free hand down, strapped on the "big arm hug" lol aka the tourniquet, and bam... stuck his wittle AC vein and drew out 10mls of blood from my little brave boy. Jake, he just sat there and watched them. Didn't make as much as a peep. He really wanted to take the tourniquet off, so he was trying to catch it with his mouth while they were getting the blood. Haha! What that means is, that the lady drawing the lab was really, really good. I've had a lot of lab drawn lately, and I've drawn quite a bit in my time and the amount of pain felt during the draw is a direct effect of the phlebotomists skills. We got a good one today, thankfully, because my brave boy didn't hardly feel a thing! AND the best part... he got a Mickey Mouse sticker AND a Muno from Yo Gabba Gabba sticker too!! ;-)

We will follow up with the allergist next week. I'm anxious to find out what all we should be avoiding. I feel like I should only be feeding him vegetables and fruit until then! But I think we'll remain cautiously optimistic until then.

Jake is just as happy-go-lucky as he was yesterday afternoon. You'd never know anything happened. I love that wild kid so very, very much! And his new take-everywhere-friends the Epi-pen JR, Orapred and Benadryl. I think we'll all get along just fine. :)

Happy Thursday, friends!

A simple prayer

Lord, teach me to be patient - with life, with people,and with myself. I sometimes try to hurry things along too much, and I push for answers before the time is right. Teach me to trust Your sense of timing rather than my own and to surrender my will to Your greater and wiser plan. Help me let life unfold slowly, like the small rosebud whose petals unravel bit by bit, and remind me that in hurrying the bloom along, I destroy the bud and much of the beauty therein.

Instead, let me wait for all to unfold in its own time. Each moment and state of growth contains a loveliness. Teach me to slow down enough to appreciate life and all it holds. Amen.

A Little Bear In Our House

Just a little update.

I have found myself able more to sing God's praises today. I am a huge music therapy type person. Music can always help me release my feelings, etc... Well, starting Friday and several times on Saturday that dang song by Laura Story, "Blessings" came on. It literally made me mad to hear it. I didn't wanna hear that! Honestly, it's because shortly after I found out I was pregnant this time (I found out on my birthday, btw) I heard this song and thought to myself, "I sure hope I'm not singing this and meaning it soon". Well, the time has indeed come, so the song made me mad. Yesterday, I heard it... again. I was able to listen to it in its entirety. And was finally able to let it speak to my heart. Today, the song that got me was "Hold Me Together" by Royal Tailor.

Hello Mercy, 

I have been searching for you lately 

I've been wounded and from what I hear 

You have the remedy 

They told me You would be for me 

So now I need to know 

Is this a love that can save me 

Or say You will then don't 

Will You stay with me when nobody is around 

If this is real, then tell now 

Can you hold me together 

Can your love reach down this far 

Can you hold me together 

Cause without You holding my heart 

I'm falling apart 

Falling apart 

Saying so long, been lost, been gone 

Not sure what to pray 

It's not easy but I know You see me 

When I lose my way 

I keep on floating not knowing 

If there is more for me 

Don't want to sink beneath waves of negativity 

I'm going under, 

I'm afraid that I might drown 

If this is real, 

I need you now 

Can you hold me together 

Can your love reach down this far 

Can you hold me together 

'Cause without You holding my heart 

I'm falling apart, yeah 

Falling apart 

Oh, Lord 

I'm feeling stronger 

With you by my side 

And I realize You are my hope 

I need to know 

Can you hold me together 

Can your love reach down this far 

Can you hold me together 

'Cause without You holding my heart 

I'm falling apart, 

Falling apart, yeah 

Hold me together Lord 

Without You, 

I'm falling apart 

Falling apart

Also, I need you guys to know that with all the messages (which has been an incredible amount) I've received, I have not been able to reply to them all very quickly. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for each of the messages. There's been unspeakable amounts of healing that have come from the stories, verses, prayers in all of your heartfelt words. I can FEEL the prayers. The biggest way I can feel prayers is that I am not slipping into the dumps like I know I could be right now. If you've read my blog much, you know I have battled depression and do not really want to go there any time soon again. So, THANK YOU... so, so much. And if I am not able to reply to you yet, know that I have gotten your message, it has been read... over and over actually, and is very appreciated. Very. Also, to the girls in my Sunday School that have so sweetly volunteered to do something to help me out this week... I know on the outside I seem fine, but just know that your daily gestures give me something little to look forward to, which is, I think, one of the reasons I'm able to keep my head above water at the moment. :)

Anyway, things are looking better. I don't think I'm as mad today.

In other news, Jake has been cutting his little canine teeth, and let me tell you... I am pretty sure each new round of teeth just gets worse and dang worse! Thankfully, teeth never keep him from sleeping. They may keep ME from sleeping when he cries out in his sleep. :( But he never wakes up. They just make him quite the bear to deal with during the day! We start out lovely in the morning. In such a great mood. But by evening time, when he's usually just a little bit fussy... wooo, the kid is a bear! You gotta keep him preoccupied constantly or it's an all out tantrum about the tiniest things! Thank goodness it's been relatively nicer outside than it has been! Outside is like a fix-all for the boy who loves to chase toads. :) He makes me laugh... a lot. I like it.

When not being entertained. Bear.

When being entertained...

Happy Tuesday, friends.

Give Me a Shade Tree

First of all, I want to say thank you for the outpouring of love and support I've gotten throughout the weekend from all my friends and family. You all are amazing.

What's on my mind today, is that I am extremely angry. And before you read on, know that I already know that I am treading on dangerous grounds by just having these feelings....

I have a lot of anger towards God at the moment because I just can't quite wrap my mind around why. And I know that's terrible to say, think, much less make extremely public. But I am wanting to know if you have any pointers on how to deal with your doubt, faith, anger, etc... in times of trial. I've never really been dealt this kind of a trial before. And I realize that there are far, far more difficult trials out there to face, or even facing me in my own future. I've faced things like jobs, friends, superficial stuff, but I've never really dealt with something like this. Something where God clearly knows the desires of my heart, yet continues to allow Satan to break it instead. I'm not looking for suggestions on how I should be dealing with it, that's the last thing I want. But I do want to know, if you have been in a sucky situation where you just thought, "Really, God? How could you keep allowing this crap to happen to one of your children?" what did you do to stay on top, spiritually? I don't consider myself like crazy on fire, at the moment, though I've been there in the past. I mean, is this His way of saying, "until you get back on the bandwagon, I'm not showing you my love?" And I know He never stopped loving me. I totally know that. But at this point, I'm just really pissed, actually, if I can say how I really feel. And I can, because it's my blog. :)

God is good. The Bible clearly says just that. But I'm not feelin' it right now. And it really makes me mad at Satan that I am feeling this way. I'm mad at Satan because he's winning more of this battle that I'd like. Like, it's almost like it's closer to a tie right now. Not saying I'm going to go Satan worshiping tomorrow, or anything. Ha! But I am saying that I am questioning God too much right now. I know I shouldn't. I know I shouldn't be angry with God. I know all this. But I still am. I'm really hacked off.

Bitterness. I know bitterness only harms the one that harbors the feelings, but that's me right now. And when I am bitter, I can not be used to my fullest potential by God; in fact, I can't really bring any glory to him at all. And that's my whole purpose as a Christian, so I know I really can't go down this route. That also makes me mad at Satan. So, maybe I am more mad at Satan. But it's like the saying goes, "The people that can hurt you the most, are the ones that you love the most". And I know that God was not sitting up in heaven striking lightening and saying, "That one over there, may she have two consecutive miscarriages in less than 7 months". I am fully aware that he does not make these unfortunate things happen. But really, he's God. He has the power to do whatever he wants. And if I (his child) beg Him for another child, is it too much to think He could make that happen?

I could certainly use your prayers right now. That I will overcome this bitterness and use this experience to grow. That my faith will not be shaken by this experience. Pray that God will deliver me from my grief like he did Jonah... pray for God to sprout up a shade tree for me like he did for Jonah. I know it is ok to initially be upset and even question God, I know this because even Jesus cried out, "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?"
 
I am just having a really, really hard time praising Him in this storm.

I know I can get past this. I've been delivered from bondage before. But I'm not sure I've felt this hurt before. Besides, I know I have to snap out of it, because"...he is a rewarder of them that diligently seek him" (Hebrews 11:6).

I have two choices: To decide that I am mad at God, or choose to trust Him anyway.

This is my sacrifice, Lord, now use it to your glory... and please... give me a shade tree.

Another Day, Another Dollar

That's the saying, right?



Well, I'm making up a new one...

Another cycle, another miscarriage.

That's right. What have I been up to lately? Well, almost 2 weeks ago Derick and I found out we were expecting... again! I knew there was no possible way God would let me go through what we'd already been through. So, I let myself be excited. I told the important people in my life, and had them begin praying for the little life God had created within me. I had some blood work done that week that showed that things didn't look great. So, I let my mind go there. To that place of doubt and scientific reasoning. I googled it all. The chances of having another baby after 2 miscarriages. The chances of my blood work turning out ok and not ok. I had more blood work done, and it came back great. Surprisingly. So, I let my mind go back to the good place. I lived almost a whole week in the good place. My symptoms stayed around. I thought it was gonna be good.

Wrong.

I had my ultrasound today. There was nothing in my uterus. And my blood work is bad again.

So, now I have to wait. Wait for it pass on its own, or take medicine to make it pass. Wait for the cramping, for the clotting, for the fun to begin... again.

I am not, at all, in a good place right now. I am very mad. Very frustrated. So many questions that I have no clue the answers to right now.

So, for the record. Derick and I have to decided that it will be years before we venture down this road again. If anybody ever needed to know... 2 miscarriages in one year (6 1/2 months, to be exact) is a whole lot for one family to endure. I wouldn't wish it on my very worst enemy.

And to those of you that can magically conceive on your own and grow happy and healthy babies without having ever endured the heartache that miscarriage involves... count yourselves phenomenally blessed beyond measure. Please.

Also, if you know someone that might possibly be going through their second miscarriage in 6 1/2 months (or even their first one, because none of them are easy), may I please advise you of the following:
Do not say, "At least you can get pregnant". You're right. But had I never gotten that way, I would not be going through the heartache that I am currently. I am suffering a LOSS, not a LACK OF.
Do not say, "At least you have Jake at home". You're right again. And I do not, for one second, take that baby for granted. But, I want Jake to have a sibling.
Do not say, "It will happen in God's timing". It will happen in God's timing, but right now... I am hurting and I wanted this.

Some things are better left unsaid. There are a lot of things that are that way in this case. In fact, most these things will likely make the affected person want to punch you in the face, no matter your good intentions.

A hug, an offering of prayer, an understanding statement... "You must be so upset, angry, frustrated, etc". An offering to take care of the child at home for a few hours, an offering to bring a meal. These are things that are good.

But mostly, there is nothing that can be said.