Another Day, Another Dollar

That's the saying, right?



Well, I'm making up a new one...

Another cycle, another miscarriage.

That's right. What have I been up to lately? Well, almost 2 weeks ago Derick and I found out we were expecting... again! I knew there was no possible way God would let me go through what we'd already been through. So, I let myself be excited. I told the important people in my life, and had them begin praying for the little life God had created within me. I had some blood work done that week that showed that things didn't look great. So, I let my mind go there. To that place of doubt and scientific reasoning. I googled it all. The chances of having another baby after 2 miscarriages. The chances of my blood work turning out ok and not ok. I had more blood work done, and it came back great. Surprisingly. So, I let my mind go back to the good place. I lived almost a whole week in the good place. My symptoms stayed around. I thought it was gonna be good.

Wrong.

I had my ultrasound today. There was nothing in my uterus. And my blood work is bad again.

So, now I have to wait. Wait for it pass on its own, or take medicine to make it pass. Wait for the cramping, for the clotting, for the fun to begin... again.

I am not, at all, in a good place right now. I am very mad. Very frustrated. So many questions that I have no clue the answers to right now.

So, for the record. Derick and I have to decided that it will be years before we venture down this road again. If anybody ever needed to know... 2 miscarriages in one year (6 1/2 months, to be exact) is a whole lot for one family to endure. I wouldn't wish it on my very worst enemy.

And to those of you that can magically conceive on your own and grow happy and healthy babies without having ever endured the heartache that miscarriage involves... count yourselves phenomenally blessed beyond measure. Please.

Also, if you know someone that might possibly be going through their second miscarriage in 6 1/2 months (or even their first one, because none of them are easy), may I please advise you of the following:
Do not say, "At least you can get pregnant". You're right. But had I never gotten that way, I would not be going through the heartache that I am currently. I am suffering a LOSS, not a LACK OF.
Do not say, "At least you have Jake at home". You're right again. And I do not, for one second, take that baby for granted. But, I want Jake to have a sibling.
Do not say, "It will happen in God's timing". It will happen in God's timing, but right now... I am hurting and I wanted this.

Some things are better left unsaid. There are a lot of things that are that way in this case. In fact, most these things will likely make the affected person want to punch you in the face, no matter your good intentions.

A hug, an offering of prayer, an understanding statement... "You must be so upset, angry, frustrated, etc". An offering to take care of the child at home for a few hours, an offering to bring a meal. These are things that are good.

But mostly, there is nothing that can be said.