This post may contain words like fluid, blood, pain, cervix... words descriptive of a labor and delivery process. Consider yourself warned. :)
Due to the nature of my pregnancy, and mostly my state of mind, I chose to be induced with this baby. I would have LOVED to spontaneously labor and deliver without pain meds. I seriously would have loved to do that. But given all we have been through, I just could not wait another minute to have my kid. I feel like a labor and delivery nurse hypocrite for inducing early, but seriously, I was HIGH anxiety. I even chose to be induced a little earlier than I usually approve of. People, I was going CRAZY. I was having terrible thoughts. Thoughts like, "I only have __ more days before I am sure not to have a stillborn". Seriously, terrible, ugly thoughts. But come on! Given my past, I felt set up for failure... even till the day he was born. Until the moment I was on that monitor, the day of delivery, I never felt safe during my pregnancy. I mean every word of that. The moment I was hooked up for delivery, I was able to breathe the biggest sigh of relief. Aaaaah. For several different reasons, we chose Thursday, May 30th. I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I was scheduled for 5:30am. I'm pretty sure I got like 3 hours of sleep the night before. Everything was much more rushed this time as we were much less prepared. I chose not the prepare things in case something happened with the pregnancy. I didn't want to have to take down an entire nursery if something bad had happened--see?! My mind was just NOT a good place. Jaded, I suppose. Anyway, lots of rushing around the night before. My awesome dad stayed with Jake the night before and was his "keeper" for the big day. Shout out to my dad for doing that! He had just started a new job too, and was still able to do all that for us. He is awesome. Thank you, Dad!!!
Being that I am a labor and delivery nurse, after all, I have a slight upper hand on a few things. Things like who does what at the hospital. That said, I chose my friend, Ashley, to be our nurse. We chose to deliver at my old work, Saint Francis (the big one on Yale) for several different reasons, but mostly because my friends got to help us labor, deliver, recover and take care of Cohen. I chose Ashley because she is super mellow and does not get worked up about anything and she is a rockin' nurse. I needed mellow and low key for sure. My doctor actually warned her that she may need to turn my monitor off to keep me from freaking out. LOL I was pretty high anxiety in those last few weeks. Who am I kidding?! I was pretty high anxiety from the day I found out I was pregnant!!! Here is where I would thank my awesome doctor, Dr. Sterling, and his awesome nurse, Lindsey, for dealing with me and all my freaking out for 10 solid months. They were SO awesome and understanding! And really, not just for those 10 months. It has been a grueling and long 31 months of trying to have this sweet boy. And they were super supportive and awesome that whole time. I know they were just doing their jobs, but I really feel like I owe them a lot. Thanks, Dr. Sterling and Lindsey!!
Water broke around 9am. I know I've experienced it before, but it's still disgusting and gross feeling. Seriously. Rupturing membranes always makes for more intense contractions, especially when you're on pitocin. I asked for my epidural around noon and come to find out, like seven of us laboring women had requested theirs at the same time!! Ahhh!! I think I waited like a little over an hour. Not really too bad of a wait, but it felt like an eternity while I was experiencing it! It just made the relief that much better! It was an awesome epidural. I ended up being ridiculously numb, which is great. After that, things were just the norm. Just waiting and hanging out. Ashley put in an IUPC which just measures contraction intensity. It did the exact same thing this time as it did with Jake--my contractions appear to be less than adequate, but I still change my cervix and have a kid. What can I say? I have a weird uterus. What's new?
Around 2:30pm I text Ashley on her phone and told her that I was feeling pressure. She came right in and checked. I was an anterior lip-which means my cervix was alllllmost completely dilated, it just lacked a little rim. After that, it all went pretty fast. She called the doc. They got the room set up. I text my friend Keirsten to come on up. Keirsten was Jake's nursery nurse when he was born, and she came in special, just for Cohen. Thank you, Keir!!
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| Keirsten combing Cohen's hair while Jake watches. |
We started pushing at 3:30. I pushed through 3 contractions, and at 3:44pm our prayers were answered. Our baby boy was finally here. He was 8lb 3oz and 20.75" long. You better believe I ripped my shirt open and plopped that baby right up on my chest. Ashley reaffirmed why I chose her as my nurse when she didn't ask one time to take him away from me. She didn't even ask. She did all her nursey stuff right there with him on my chest. Footprints, cord clamping, APGARs, all of it... while he stayed right on my chest, skin to skin... the way it's supposed to be. :) That's an awesome nurse, people!! Thank you, Ashley!!
When I first saw Cohen, I was elated and overjoyed. After about 30 seconds, the reality came flooding in. He's really here. We finally made it. He's finally safe and sound in our arms. I can not explain that feeling. It was just as special as that first moment with Jake, but also extremely different. We hadn't faced any heartache prior to Jake, so everything I felt then was pure elation. While I was elated with Cohen, I was also thinking about the three other times we could have had a baby. And those thoughts led to that I wouldn't have Cohen if that had happened. It was a lot of emotions and a lot of thoughts, but the main feeling was just simply RELIEF. All my fears, anxieties... relieved. He was here, and healthy, and beautiful, and that was all that mattered.
All in all, it was a great experience. I am so thankful for all the help we got at the hospital and all the help we continued to get once we were home. My parents made like 3 trips to Tulsa in a 4 days time-period all helping us out with Jake. They were SO awesome. Tana took all the pictures of the delivery, which I am in love with and so thankful to have. And I can not leave this unsaid--we have been loved on by 2 groups of people that have made us feel so blessed to a part of. Our old Sunday School class at FBCBA brought us meals for the first few days. While we don't attend that church any longer, this group is SO special to my heart. They walked right alongside me while I endured the pain of all the losses and not knowing and infertility stuff. They will forever be special to me. Thank you FBCBA girls for loving on us!! And our new, totally awesome community group at our new church, set us up with meals for the next few days. SO awesome, SUCH a blessing. Thank you, guys!
