An absolute train wreck

This post is dedicated to one of mine and Derick's very regrettably, all time favorite shows...  Toddlers & Tiaras. Yes, you read that right. We love that show. We, let me rephrase that... Derick (who convinced me) is so completely against the idea of pageants, yet we still tune in weekly to watch that train wreck of a show! Why do we watch, you ask? Honestly, we watch to make fun of and mock the parents, mostly. If you have not seen the show, let me explain to you what happens.

Basically, they start off by showing 2 or 3 different girls, all entered in the same pageant. Usually, these girls have 3 completely different up-bringings. Whether it be only child, only girl after 3 boys, 1 of many pageant girls, etc. Some are so wealthy they take private jets to the pageant, and some are completely white-trashed out families that will spend thousands (this is no exaggeration) and thousands of dollars on one single pageant where the grand prize (taken home by the prestigious ultimate grand supreme) is usually a couple hundred to maybe a thousand bucks. These girls usually have one thing in common-- a most insane attitude and downright disrespectfulness towards their parents, and usually mostly their mothers. Also, their mothers, and sometimes fathers, are usually extremely...extremely kooky! I have seen these girls slap their mothers, spit at them, yell nasty things at them, order them around. And what do the mothers do? Drop everything and respond to their every beck and call because they are more interested in that grand prize than the child is, in most cases. They fill these toddlers (who desperately need a nap) with coffee, soda, sugary foods, all in order to keep them in a good mood and not get tired. They send them up on stage in their crazy get-ups to do the cheesiest "talent" routines, beauty, sometimes swimwear, or "wow" wear. We have watched episode where these tiny little girls are practically dressed like strippers.

And then let's talk about the absolutely ridiculous lengths these people will go to in order to make their little toddler look like a... let's face it... a whore. Derick swears these children are being trained to be strippers or exotic dancers. And why wouldn't they?! They are paraded around after they have been spray tanned, buy flippers (a set of fitted extremely white, extremely perfect fake teeth worn to cover up those cute little snaggle teeth) fake hair--which is usually done by a hair stylist on location $$, fake nails $$, fake eyelashes $$, makeup so thick you could scoop it off--which is usually applied by a professional makeup artist $$. Even the pictures that they use to enter "Most photogenic" portions of the pageant are so ridiculously fake! Let me just show you a couple.

I will be the first one to agree that photo enhancements are a good thing... but not to the point where it looks like a completely different person!! People, this is not enhancement this is like graphic art illustration!!

This doesn't even begin to cover how absolutely retarded the vain world of child pageantry is these days. If I could sum it up in one word... repulsive. Yet, we still come back to the show week after week.

I'll tell you what the majority of these kids and parents need... a real good whoopin!

So, thank you, TLC, for the train wreck of a show you provide your viewers. But really, I feel incredibly sorry for these little girls who will grow up to find, one day, that the plastic trophies and crowns (because no one walks away empty handed) they received were all purchased by their parents who were duped into thinking this was a way to judge the true beauty of their child.