Mommy Picture Time.

I am going to share a few photo tips today, just because. I don't claim to rock at photography. I just claim to know a thing or two that you might like to know, or might help you improve your shot once in a while. We all know my poor child is in front of a camera almost constantly... if you are my friend on facebook, this is a very obvious thing! Well, he's become quite accustomed to it and has figured out how to charm me juuuust long enough. Then he starts getting silly. Well, some of my favorite pictures are those silly moments! Yay!

First off, I like to photograph my tree in full day light. Yep, that's right! The light on Jake's face is coming from my wall lined, big north facing windows, in my living room, at about 1pm on a fairly sunny day (today, actually). My Christmas tree sits off to the side of the windows by about 8 feet, give or take. I use a Nikon camera (not knocking Canon, I just have only ever used Nikon) anyway, it's a Nikon D700, and I love my 50mm f/1.4 fixed lens, that is what I am using. It's a fixed lens, so it doesn't zoom in and out, and it takes excellent portraits. Anyway! First of all, you need to dial on top of the camera (I can't show you mine, bc it looks nothing like the other Nikons!) to M instead of the auto feature. This would also be a great time to learn metering, which is not nearly as intimidating as it sounds! This first shot is shot at a shutter speed of 125. I was always taught that you don't want to ever take a picture of something that might move, without the use of a tripod, at less than 125. :) Just a fun fact for ya! My aperture is set at 2 (that is how the lights are so blurry and cool looking, they call that bokeh...i have no idea why). And my ISO was set at 1000 today.

I tried my hardest to get him to face the windows, but he is two and he moves a lot! :) Here's a couple of our pictures today. Hope you can take something from my very non-formal, not a lot of info, rundown.

Shutter speed 1/125, f/2, ISO 1000 edited to bring in some more brightness.

Shutter 1/125, f/2, ISO 1000, I put a little bit of a layer on this one and brought in some brightness again.

I love this picture!!!

Shutter 1/80 (I got lucky!!) f/2, ISO 1000. Added a layer for the creamy effect, but the shutter speed is why it is already bright and I didn't have to do that afterward. :)

Cool Cat

When I was pregnant with Jake, before I found out that he was a HE, people would always talk about how boys aren't fun to dress, blah, blah... WELL...*I* say...People who say dressing a boy is boring... see Jake Pickle... and the lady in charge of keeping it cool. Because I am here to tell you, I LOVE dressing my boy!!! eeeeeeyep. Boys ARE fun to dress. Their clothes are a little harder to seek out the good ones, but that makes it even better because I love the thrill of the find! Anyway, without further ado...

my little hipster.

This is just a play outfit, but it's still darn cute, I think. :)

Vacation Part Dos!

On Thursday, we were in beautiful Grand Cayman Island. I don't know what I was expecting at this place, but it was a very Americanized, utopia-like place. The tour guide said there was nothing poisonous on the island and there were very little insects. Whaaaaa!! My kinda place! Until they said that literally everything on the island is imported... so prices are all about three times what you'd pay here in the states. Gas was like $7 a GALLON. Yeah. I think I can deal with my bugs. :( In Grand Cayman, we went to the Sea Turtle Farm,

where we got to see all the different ages and stages of sea turtles (no one on earth can determine a sea turtle's age, so they keep them in tanks based on birth), hold sea turtles, and even swim with them! I tried my hand at snorkeling for the second time in life (first was on my honeymoon and it was NOT a success). I was successful with the turtles and I am SO glad Derick talked me into it! It was my favorite part of the trip. Jake swam for a little bit, but quickly got bored. Derick and I spent a little extra time just messing around in town before we had to head back to the ship.

Jake went back with his Nanna and Pappa to get ready for nap. In our room, we had a bunk that pulled down from the ceiling. For real. Haha. Anyway, that is where Jake chose to sleep. We gave him the choice of a cot beside our bed, in our bed, or in the bunk. He chose the bunk, and he did awesome the whole time!

On Friday, we arrived at Cozumel, Mexico.

 I'm going to sound like a snob when I say this, but I have been to Cozumel so many times now, that this was my least favorite of the 3 stops. We went to a private beach location called, Isla Pasion, or Passion Island.

This was my third time here. It was actually the same place those Corona commercials were filmed at. Pretty cool. Anyway, we take a boat to an island about 45 minutes away from Cozumel. Swim, play, and lounge on a private beach all afternoon and eat delicious, all you can eat, Mexican food. Yum.

Saturday was spent "at sea" and mostly relaxing from 3 fun-filled, very exhausting days.

We got back to New Orleans on Sunday morning and headed back home that day. Jake did great on the ride home, too.

All in all, I would highly recommend a cruise for a family with young kid(s)! We always have a blast.

We Went on Vacation!

Man! I have really slacked in the blogging world!! This ended up being extremely long so I broke it up into a couple different days.

Listening to some old school 1997 MON Hanson. Believe it.

Well, we went on vacation. And it was so fun! We have been blessed with a tremendous little sleeper in Jake, as well as a super flexible kid. We left for New Orleans and spent the weekend there before boarded the cruise ship on a Sunday. Jake was great through the 11 hour ride down there, thanks to Mommy's iPod, Curious George, and Clifford the Big Red Dog.
 In NOLA, we enjoyed some local cuisine ;-) went the to aquarium,

 an insectarium

 and rode the trolley.

This was our first trip not to bring a pack and play with us and Jake (of course) did excellent. He slept in his very own bed in the hotel in NOLA.

We boarded the ship on Sunday and left for the beautiful blue waters of the Caribbean.

 Actually, it takes around 12 hours just to get out of the mouth of the Mighty Mississippi. And if you have seen the Mississippi River... well, it's nickname, the "Muddy Mississippi", is for a reason. It's no beauty, that's for sure. ;-) When we woke up the next morning, we were smooth sailing on the deep blue ocean waters.

 Jake was old enough this time to attend Camp Carnival. Carnival provides something for kids 2-teen. I guess the teenager one is pretty cool because I overheard a couple teens talking about what they were doing later, more than once. lol. Anyway, Jake was in the 2-5 group. He had a blast and would ask us if he could go. We took him once or twice a day, mostly on the "days at sea" when we weren't in port. We had 2 days at sea, then we arrived at our first port in Jamaica on Wednesday. In Jamaica, we went to an all-inclusive resort, which I HIGHLY recommend. It was a resort with a swim-up bar,

 a restaurant, and a very nice, very pretty beach,

 and some non-motorized water stuff. We rode a hobie catamaran...very fun!

The water was the clearest, prettiest water, I've ever seen! It was as clear as bath-water!

The one and only downside to this place were the jellyfish. There were gigantic jellyfish. But if you're not much on swimming in large bodies of water, like me... then it isn't a problem to you.

After Wednesday night at dinner in the formal dining room, we quickly realized Jake is not quite cut out for a long day, short and late nap, AND formal dining. So we changed things up and ate at the Lido Deck during days we went on excursions.

Until tomorrow... lol aren't you waiting on pins and needles?! Hahaha, right!

Happy Monday, friends!

Happy and Whole

Major healing has happened in my heart this summer. And all the glory goes right up to God for it. Just like cute, little Gabby Douglas said, "the glory goes up to Him, and the blessings fall down on me."

I finally feel like I have blessings falling down on me! (It has been a LONG time coming)

I am feeling beyond BLESSED lately. It makes me smile just to see myself type that... for real. I am beaming with excitement that I am finally feeling this way! It has become increasingly apparent to me that I have been able to leave behind my feelings of discontentment, anger, fear, anxiety, dread, jealousy, etc (lots of bad feelings) in regards to my past 2 years. We all know what that entails, I won't even go into the deets of all that, yet again.

I know I posted about all we've been able to do this summer, and how I have enjoyed Jakey, motherhood, family, and just life in general this summer. It has to do with a couple things. First and foremost, I've been able to just sit back, chill out, and ENJOY LIFE--because I finally gave it all up to the One who had it all to begin with! Second, I have realized that I AM right where God wants me. (I am in no way knocking non only child-ness with what I'm about to say, it's just how I know I'm right where God wants me) However... it has become VERY increasingly apparent to me that most the things we have been able to do this summer, I could never have done, had MY plan (not God's) worked out the way I had hoped for it to. God really DOES know way better than me. Not that I will ever just forget about what we've gone through... no, it's all still there. But I'm not dwelling on it and living only for it (big diff). Instead, now all that is just a part of our past. We are living for the here and now. We get to go... and do... and we have a blast. We can go to the pool whenever we want. We can go to the bounce-around whenever we want. We can have lunch dates with just he and I, or us and a couple friends. Whatever we want... there's only the one kid whose schedule I have to work around, there's just the one kid that has needs, one I have to pay for, buy for, there's just the one kid that I have to keep up with, or entertain, or teach, and mostly... I've been given this one precious kiddo to give all of my heart's mommy-love to. It has been an awesome time of just Jake-ness. And I'll say it, selfishly... I am not even sure anymore when I want to make Jake a sibling. That's saying a lot since I've wanted a second kid from the time Jake was 10 months old! I seriously can't even believe I feel the way I do about it now. It's been so long since I have had to prevent pregnancy, that I almost laugh about my complete opposite, current feelings on the subject. I am just having so much fun right now with "just Jake". Like I said, I don't mean to knock anyone else's situations. I'm just finally to a point where I'm not burning with envy when I see a mom with her 2 year old and her baby. Nope... much the opposite.  I'm not sure how I can express how great it finally feels to be content with me, us, everything. Now I just smile and kiss my little boy on the head when I see that same situation that made me burn with envy not even 4 months ago. :) It is just more reassurance that I am healing--and THAT is what makes me smile.

Like I said, I'm totally not knocking having more than one kid! I'd still love for that to be us... someday. Just not quite yet. And that's what I'm so happy about. Just being content with the here and now. I actually had some say to me recently that the "worst case scenario" in regards to child/age-spacing (which a whole other topic that makes me laugh... since I had it all "planned" out, y'know) would be to "only have one kid". I almost couldn't pick my jaw up off the ground when that was said, seeing that there is still a possibility that Jake could be an only-child forever and I do not consider that a "worst-case scenario" of any sort! I'm sure glad God gives us different desires, because I am just so thankful for the one (happy and healthy) kiddo that I DO have. And if God never desires for us to have another little Pickle... then... Jake is all we need, and that certainly is NOT a worst case scenario. I think people never think about what they're saying when they say it. HA. Thankfully, we are all different, and no one's needs are exactly the same. I don't think it would suck at all to have more than one kid right now! BUT I am so thankful for the time I am getting to spend with just me and my little boy. I'm thankful and content with the here and now. Finally.

God knew what He was doing when He kept Jake an only child for a while longer than I thought I wanted. HE knew what we all needed. Granted, yes, it came at a price. But I promise you, they are life lessons that I would not trade for the world. Every loss had a purpose. Each one making me who I am today, and the family that we are right now. I don't know, I just wanted to document this so I would be able to remember this time in my life...

When I felt whole again...

And it feels sooooo good.

It's another happy day.

Happy Wednesday, friends!

Hap Birt Ja!

Jake is 30 months old today!

Happy 1/2 birthday, Jakey!

NEW TRADITIONAL ALERT!!!

We celebrated Jake's half birthday with a half of a cookie cake and a half birthday message to boot. 

I sure love this wild, and crazy little kiddo! He makes life so fun!

Happy Monday almost Tuesday!!

Summer!

SUMMER!!!!

This is where we spend a large part of our days. :)

This summer has been SO much fun! I can hardly handle how much fun that sweet, little boy makes summertime. I haven't even really cared for summer since I was a little kid! We spend a LOT of our free in the pool. You would not have any idea looking at me that we spend so much time in direct sunlight, as the only time I actually GET a tan is when I get burnt to a crisp. And since melanoma runs it's nasty little head really deep within my family's veins... I am a sunscreen and hat wearing QUEEN!!!  (Side note here--SPF and shade are your outside-time friend!!) Jake, on the other hand, can wear as much sunscreen as I can apply and STILL get a tan. Not fair, but thanks to a little thing I call fake-bake, AKA VersaSpa, I can appear tan. ;-) Also, if you're thinking about making the plunge into summertime color so you don't blind people, as was my thoughts... let me tell you that I get a lot of comments on how natural it looks. Well, actually, people just assume I have gotten sun... I make sure they know it's not real. ;-) I can not believe I haven't posted in OVER a month! Seriously... OVER a month. Since it's been so long, this actually ended up being a long post. Oops!

I started this post wanting to talk about how I can finally, finally, fiiiiiinallyyyyyyyy say that I am on the downward slope to healing from my horrific past 2 years. And I am SO, SOOOO excited about it. I can see pregnant people now without thinking terrible thoughts, I can even see the kids that are around the age mine would be, without thinking every single time-"that's what my kid would be doing right now if everything had worked out".

Let me tell you how I finally saw the Light. And I really mean capital 'L' because it would never happen without the grace and mercy of our forgiving GOD.

I am overwhelmingly aware that I have been at the mercy of Satan throughout a lot of my recent past, and only due to my own stubbornness amongst many other flaws. I am totally aware. I was grieving, sure. Tons of different things. Ideas, emotions, dreams, babies, blah, blah... But I would think and say things that were completely not EVEN true. Like I basically blamed all of it on GOD because He DOES have the power to stop it. And I'm not going to say that Satan caused my miscarriages. GOD knew it was going to happen, it was in His will. It was however, a perfect time for Satan weave his webs of lies and deceit. And I admit, I took that bait more often than I should've. I'm not saying I went out on some crazy binges or something. HA! All I'm saying is that my life, my attitude, my words... it was evident that I had let Satan creep in.

ANYWAY... enough of that. I want to spill on how, or what, helped me finally turn back to the arms of my loving Savior. Because, as He always is... He was waiting for me with open arms.

You guys know of the Duggars, yes? The family in Tontitown, AR with 19 kids? Show on tv, 19 Kids and Counting... Them. Anyway, if you watch it for 5 minutes you will notice that they are an impeccable family. The couple, Jim Bob and Michelle have written some books. I was reading their book, "A Love That Multiplies". I read it based on recommendations for parenting advice. :) (A completely different topic). They have a LOT of life experiences. One might think their miscarriage is what helped me heal. Nope. Then maybe the early delivery and many trying months of her care and juggling a large family helped me. Not it either. They did have quite a few deaths of parents and other mishaps in their recent past. Nope, not it. It was a simple story from several years back when Jim Bob had run for Arkansas state representative and then for the US Senate. You can read about this on page 82, "Stepping Out In Faith". He prefaced the story with how time after time they would see God's hand of provision over them when "bad" things would happen and they would always turn out for the good. He said after a while, they stopped asking God, "why?" He told how, several years ago, (and I remember part of one of his political campaigns... living so close to AR we saw all the politics of the area and I remember thinking they had a LOT of kids... which back then was only a fraction of what they now have!) Annnnyway, back to the story. So he felt God telling him to run for state rep. He did. He won. He served two, two-year terms and then felt God telling him to run for US Senate. He says how he was running against the incumbent and had only himself, basically, as party support. They put in over $100,000 of their OWN money (and you have to know that they live completely debt free) into the US Senate campaign; while his opponent had like $2 million in campaign monies. For real, ya'll? So, election day comes around, they view it as a great opportunity to take the (they homeschool, and just read the books... they are awesome at it) kids to show them how they vote. So, they took all like 13 kids or something and showed them the ropes, etc. He says it was a hectic day, they were barely aware of the AP photographer that snapped their picture that day.

He lost the election. He says, they didn't ask God why, they knew there was a plan and he says they prayed, "God, we're ready for our next assignment!" Little did they know... the next day, that photo was in The New York Times. People, we are talking about... The New York Times. Someone from Parents magazine saw that picture in that paper and set up an interview with the Duggar family. From there, the CEO of Discovery Health saw THAT interview. DHC contacted them to see about a documentary!  After a couple documentaries TLC picked them up as a regular show. Now seriously, all because he ran and lost not only an election, but $110,000 of their OWN money.

I don't know if it's just money that talks to me, or what (I really hope that isn't the case!) But after I read that, I got to thinking about my OWN recent past. HELLO?! WHY could I not see the things in my past that I thought were just horrific, that ended up being incredible blessings?!! Let me remind you about it here. If you don't have the time (bc it's long, as always) to read about that, let me brief you. Derick got a job in Texas just after he graduated. Jake was 4 months old. I quit my job as a full-time RN. D began going away to TX to work, and coming home on the weekends. I stayed behind preparing our to sell. We had TONS of lookers... And no buyers. I became discouraged and distraught at the fact that our little boy was growing up away from his daddy. I packed on my own, I sold most our furniture on my own. It was not fun. (all the while I was not trusting God... I was panicking. Why don't we learn?!) In July, I believe, we got an offer and we accepted. It was a VA loan. If you don't know, they are pain in the REAR to deal with. We didn't end up closing until OCTOBER. For real. In the meantime, D was about to lose his job at Halliburton bc they wanted him to be studying constantly and D spent all that time driving back and forth to see his wife and baby. I thought I was going to lose my mind. I nearly did. By this time, J and I were living with my parents.

Hindsight... thankfully, our house didn't sell or close quickly because we had a contingency on a house in TX. We would be stuck with that house in TX and no jobs. D and I remembered a couple leads back here in OK and he followed those leads and ended up at his current job. Where we're supposed to be. We're all safe and sound, in our own house, with good, solid jobs. Phew! Lesson learned, trust God. Right... I very obviously do not learn lessons very well!

In both my situations... if I would just TRUST from the very beginning, I would realize that everything really IS in God's control, and His plan IS perfect. I still don't know why this happened/is happening to us. I have zero idea. But I know one thing... it is for a better purpose. I can see some purpose occasionally as I am able to minister (sometimes in ways I have no idea I am ministering in) to people that have been affected by loss, the heartache and grief that goes along with it.

Anyway, all that to say... I am SO excited that I am FINALLY healing!! God used the strangest of random stories in a book by the Duggars, of all things, to speak to my heart and soften it just enough to help me remember that He always is with me, even when I don't acknowledge or remember it.

Praise God for His everlasting love and mercy.

This picture is completely random, but just really adorable. They were changing the oil in the truck. So cute!!

It is a happy Monday, friends.