Remembering That Day.

Continuing on...

So, we left for our camping trip on a Wednesday evening. I had felt and seen Mollie moving in my belly. I had an anterior placenta, meaning my placenta was on the front side of my uterus. The part you'd touch if you touched my belly. That makes it difficult for women to feel the early, lighter movements, when the placenta attaches in the front like that. So I was pretty excited to be able to start feeling more movement.

Thursday, we got to the camp site. Nothing really triggers my memory about this day. I do know we listened to her heartbeat on the little fetal doppler I had. Her little heart was beating just fine. Always gave me relief to hear it.

On Friday... oh, that Friday. My last day with Mollie. I didn't know why, and didn't really realize it at the time, but I had quite a sense of impending doom. I checked on her 3 times that day with the doppler. At this point in my pregnancy, I would go days, even a week sometimes, without listening to her heartbeat. I remember that day, though, mentioning several times how I didn't remember the last time I had felt her move other than Wednesday evening. I blamed it on the placenta placement and tried to put those looming feelings aside and enjoy our time with our friends. The day was fine. I drank like 4 Dr. Peppers that day. Another thing I really beat myself up about. It was typical for me to drink 1 DP every couple of days. 1 a day, at most. I figured I was safe, having made it to nearly halfway in the pregnancy. So I splurged on our little trip and really indulged that day. We stayed up late with friends, playing UNO. I remember mentioning to a friend that I was kind of worried because I hadn't felt Mollie move one single time that day.

When we got back to the trailer, I remember telling Derick that I was kind of worried about the lack of feeling any movement at all. We quickly listened to Mollie's heartbeat at around midnight. I remember saying, "there she is!" and deciding that I was probably too busy that day, not really paying that much attention to fetal movement. When in reality, I worried about it pretty much all day. I really TRIED to be positive with this pregnancy. I really did. And I honestly feel like it came back to bite me in the butt.

The next morning (Saturday, March 19... also the worst day of my life), the kids woke up at 7, just like every morning. They came in rearing to go and excited about another day with friends. Usually I always felt Mollie while I was laying flat on my back, first thing in the morning. I felt nothing. At all. I got up and fixed the boys their breakfast. I think. I'm pretty sure. That's when everything from then... until right now starts to blur into a mess of life that I really can hardly recognize at times.

I told Derick I wanted time alone to listen to Mollie. He closed the door and tried to keep the boys quiet. I searched for what seemed like 2 hours,but really was only half an hour. It was not at all unusual for it to take a couple minutes to find her heartbeat, since the placenta took up most of the front side of my belly. I literally searched for half an hour and heard nothing but silence. I sometimes wouldn't hear the heartbeat right away, but I could hear her movements on the doppler and that was reassuring enough until I could locate the heartbeat. This time... complete silence.

I remember rolling onto my belly and pressing to try and get her to move.

Nothing.

I tried again with the doppler. Even though, at this point, I was pretty much convinced it was over. Again, nothing.

I don't remember the exact details after that. I know I called the closest place I could find that would ultrasound me that day. It was actually in my hometown where my parents and sister live. I did not call my parents, because I didn't want to freak them out, if by some miraculous chance, this was all ok in the end.

I called my sister. I walked her through a very similar time about 4 years ago.

Derick and Cohen and I drove an hour to Fort Smith to the ultrasound place. I remember just knowing, on our drive there, that it was over. I remember telling Derick what she would look like when she was delivered. That she would be red and shiny and skinny but fully formed. I remember telling him that I would have to labor and deliver her just like a normal baby. Having been a labor nurse for 9 years, there wasn't much about the delivery process of a dead baby that I didn't know. I'd helped my fair share of women labor and deliver their own dead babies in my time in L&D.

We arrived at the ultrasound place. Turns out, my sister knew the sonographer that was there that day. She was already aware of the sensitivity and reason as to why I was there. I had my sister go in with me, and Derick stayed in the car. I cannot explain the feeling of fear I had in those few minutes. We sat and waited for probably 3 minutes. It felt like an hour. I wanted that freaking wand on my belly immediately. I wanted to know my baby was ok. I wanted to see her bouncing and moving around like nothing was wrong. I wanted to see and hear that heartbeat I couldn't find. I was still trying to convince myself that it was the placenta in the way. But I think deep down, I knew. I knew it wasn't going to be good.

I went right in and laid down. The girl put the wand on my belly. There was my sweet little Mollie. She had her hands folded up by her head. She looked just like a sleeping baby. And she was laying still as could be. There was no movement. None. The place in her chest that should be flickering away like crazy was an empty, still space. And the poor, sweet girl began explaining to me what I was seeing. I quickly stopped her and told her I was a labor and delivery nurse. I asked her to take the wand off my stomach and asked my sister to go get Derick.

One of the pictures of Mollie from the day we learned she was gone. Her hands up by her head, just like she was sleeping.

Derick came in and I remember the ultrasound girl gave my sister 3 printed images she had just captured of Mollie inside my belly. I remember Cohen freaking out in the lobby because we left him with my sister out there. I remember him coming in, seeing me upset (very upset) and coming over to me wanting to be held. He just wrapped his little arms around me and held on tight. It's like he knew that is exactly what I needed. I remember looking down at my tiny belly and thinking that this was as pregnant as I got. We only made it to 20 weeks. What did we do wrong? Was this my fault? I don't want to labor and deliver a dead baby. I don't want to explain to my poor, sweet boys that their sister won't be coming home with us. That she wasn't ever going to live with us. That she was in heaven. But mostly I remember thinking that this is going to be a nightmare.

I was right on that last part.

The Next Chapter of Pickled Blessings

So. It's been a while. I stopped blogging shortly after Cohen was born. In hindsight, writing through all the emotions I dealt with throughout all our miscarriages and trying to get pregnant with Cohen, blogging really helped me sift through some of that grief. I didn't even realize it until just recently. Really.

I find myself making epic posts on facebook. So, I figured why not turn to the blog again. It helped once before. May as well give it a go this time.

I will say though, this time... dealing with all the emotions and heartache and grief... it is MUCH more difficult than all 3 miscarriages and infertility issues combined. Exponentially. Hands down.

And I don't say that lightly. If a miscarriage, or infertility, is the only thing you've ever been through, then let me be the first to say it IS a nightmare and it DOES suck terribly. Until Mollie died, it absolutely was the worst thing that had ever happened to me. There is just something incredibly life changing, horribly wrong, but also horribly right, about holding your dead baby in your arms. Looking into the face of the baby you were so excited to carry. It's absolutely the hardest thing I've ever had to live through.

We had planned on trying for another baby early this year. Both boys, and 2 of my miscarriages, were Clomid pregnancies. It isn't typical for me to get pregnant without Clomid. We were not trying to get pregnant. In December, we were slated to go on a cruise with a group of friends and all our kids. I've always either been pregnant or seriously nursing a kid when we were cruising. So, I was really, really looking forward to a cruise where I could enjoy an adult beverage on occasion. Lo, and behold, 2 weeks before we were to leave, I realized I was two days late. A friend asked me if I was going to test. I laughed it off because of my unlikeliness of getting pregnant without Clomid. But then I was like, what if I really AM pregnant? I need to start the blood thinner ASAP. So I tested, but FULLY expected a negative result. But there it was... positive. I was actually surprise pregnant?!? I had been pregnant 5 times, at that point, and not a single one of them was a surprise. Each pregnancy was carefully planned. Always taking appropriate meds prior to conception, based on the information I had each time.

This time, since we weren't really trying, I was (irresponsibly, in my opinion) not taking any vitamins. I have two genetic mutations that are responsible for my hostile uterus. One of them basically makes it difficult for my body to process folic acid. I should be taking folate all the time, even when not pregnant. I was not when I became pregnant with Mollie. Trust me, I beat myself up over it big time. Obviously, no one can say with certainty that that is what killed my daughter. But guilt is a part of grief that always has to be worked through. And I am not any different from any other griever.  I asked my doctor, at one of my prenatal visits, if I should be taking a prenatal with folate. He said he didn't really think that had anything to do with my losses, and to just continue on with the blood thinner the way I was. So I didn't think anything else of it again. Until March 19th.

So, we found out we were pregnant at just around 4 weeks. Knowing I have to start blood thinners ASAP, I called my doctor. However, at that time, Derick had JUST started a new job and we were without insurance until February 1st. This was the very beginning of December... My doctor quickly assured me that I would be covered at the office until my insurance kicked in. But as for the blood thinner... dang those are expensive. I had to figure out a way to get those bad boys. Luckily, I was able to track some down that lasted me until February 1st.

I was certain that all these things were signs that this was a pregnancy that was going to last. I just knew that if God would allow my body to conceive a baby without any medical assistance...a surprise at that, provide medical care until insurance kicked in, and provide the expensive blood thinner... then there was no way that this baby wasn't meant to be. So, unlike my pregnancy with Cohen (where I did not at all allow myself to bond with him) I took to the idea of being pregnant and actually allowed myself to accept the pregnancy and get excited about it.

At around 6 weeks, I began spotting very minimally. I had a subchorionic hemorrhage, just like I had with Cohen. It quickly resolved, just like it did with Cohen.

The pregnancy progressed without a hitch. I was miserable, obviously, as is expected in early pregnancy. So this was a positive thing, even though I felt terrible! My regular appointments continued and my baby and I always checked out great.

At 15 weeks, we learned we were having a girl. We were SO excited. We had planned on this being our last pregnancy and I was so excited to get to experience having a girl. Jake was thrilled, as well, as he'd been asking for a sister for about a year. And I was really looking forward to seeing Derick be a daddy to a little girl, too.

We already knew what we'd name her. We'd had our girl name picked out since Jake was a fetus. Before we knew his gender, I have actual video of me calling him Mollie while looking at him on an ultrasound at work. So when we found out that this baby was a girl, I looked at Derick, while we were looking at her on ultrasound and said, "We finally got our Mollie, babe!" He was smiling and excited. We were both in disbelief at first. We quickly got used to the idea and I started letting myself buy girly things. I went a little overboard, as I'm sure most moms of boys do when they find out they're expecting a baby girl.

I went to an appointment at 18w2d. All was well. Mollie was still a girl. Bouncing around and perfect as could be. Doctor said he didn't need to see me for 4 weeks this time. My appointments had all been 2-3 weeks apart at that point. I did find out that I had an anterior placenta which made sense to me because I hadn't felt Mollie moving very much at all at that point in the pregnancy.

The following week was spring break. We had planned to go camping with friends at the end of spring break. I spent the week getting ready. On Wednesday evening, we headed to go camping. Right when Derick got home, before we left, I was laying on the bed and I actually SAW Mollie move. That's always one of those exciting moments. When you can start to see movement on the outside of your belly. I hollered for Derick to come in and feel. She didn't do it again.

Even though she lived a couple more days, that was one of the last times I felt Mollie move.

**this is getting long and out of control, so I'm gonna pause there and pick up later, so I guess that means "to be continued"**

Cohen-Two Months

Cohen is TWO months old!

Cohen at two months...

• Weight - 13lb 12oz (<97%) big boy
• Height - 24'' (90-95%)
• Clothes - mostly 3-6 month clothes, some 6 months stuff, though I have been squeezing him into his 0-3 still just because I hate that my kids get almost no use out of those teeny clothes. Grr! ;-)
• Diaper - size 2 sposies. We beat a hideous yeast rash, got back into cloth for 2 days and the yeast rash came back. Momma was NONE too happy. We've gotta figure something out there.
• Eats every 3 hours during the day until evening, when he clusters his feedings. At night he will go sometimes 6 hours, sometimes only 3. Still not consistent. I thought I would mind a lot more, but I really don't. I kind of look forward to those middle of the night feedings because I know this time will be gone before I know it. 
• He started smiling and cooing this month. This is one talkative little fella! 
• I love to watch Jake and him interact. Of course there's not much interaction on Cohen's part, but I love to see him grin from ear to ear at Jake. And Jake, he thinks he's one of us. He is a BIG helper. He is such a good big brother and he takes his role seriously. Jake is a bit protective at times!
• His love of the swing has developed majorly. He spends a LOT of time in his swing. Sometimes, when he's fussy, I'm trying to cuddle him, and he would rather be in the swing! Hurts my feelings just a tad!
• We have gotten the oversupply under control this month!! It took 7 weeks before I was regulated. I still battle engorgement if I pump too much, or when Cohen goes through a growth spurt. I spent a day blocking last week because I had pumped too much.
• Speaking of, I returned to work this month. I have to pump at work. I HATE pumping. I'm thankful for it, but I seriously cannot stand it. I am so thankful I only have to do it a couple days a week!
• Sleeping could be going better, but honestly, I am so happy to have a reason to be up in the middle of the night, that I am not really bothered by his waking like I thought I would be! On his best nights, he goes 6 hours. (by this time, Jake was sleeping full 12 hour nights, but Jake was also formula fed) But most nights we get a decent 4 hours stretch out of him. He's always so sweet, and since I'm nursing, it's like an excuse for extra cuddles in the middle of the night. So that definitely helps the wake up calls. Derick has been super phenomenal. We have a bit of a middle of the night regimen that we do. Derick gets him and changes his diaper and puts him back to bed, while I obviously nurse the baby lol. I don't know what it is about guys and their ability to fall asleep immediately, but if my feet touch that floor, I won't go back to sleep for a long time!! Granted, the kid is still in our bedroom... but still. :)
• We are finally able to get out and about without feeling like the world revolves around my boobs. I'm just telling you guys, we have fought a HUGE battle to be where we are with breastfeeding and I am DANG proud of it. 
• He loves bath time. He is so chill in his bath tub.
• It is so fun to watch his little personality develop. I think it is so neat to see how different my two boys are already! Cohen is so mellow and laid back. Jake was always wild and crazy! ;-)

Cohen-One Month

Cohen is already a month old! How on earth did that happen??

Cohen at one month...

• Weight- 10lb 8oz (75-85%)
• Height- 22.5'' (75%)
• He's the exact same size Jake was at one month! Stands to reason since they were only 1.5 oz difference at birth...
• Clothes- 3 month onesies, 0-3 month pants and shorts
• Diaper-Size 1 sposies, we have had too much going on to deal with diaper laundry, just yet. So we are still using disposables. But I can't wait to get his bum in cloth! Plus he is just getting over a hideous diaper rash that took everything under the sun to get rid of. Poor guy.
• Nurses every 2-3 hours during the day and 2-5 hours at night. We do block feeding. He eats on one side for 8 hours, then the other for 8 hours. I make A LOOOOT of milk.
• He is becoming more alert and showing off those big ole eyes.
• He doesn't really prefer swaddling. He does about the same swaddled as he does not swaddled.
• Most the time he loves his swing. Jake loved his swing a LOT, Cohen doesn't love it quite THAT much, but he likes it.
• He recognizes mommy's voice immediately and responds really well to the "shhh" noise.
• He goes from zero to STARVING in seconds. This is usually not fun because I have to do a lot to prepare for a feeding. I love when Derick is here to help!
• This crazy kid pees on us ALL the time. Seriously. You'd think, this being our second boy, we'd be able to avoid that... oh, no. Probably once a day, the kid pees on us.
• He likes to be worn in his wrap, and I love to wear him.
• He took his first bottle of expressed milk a couple weeks ago. He ate it like a champ. I was really worried about this since I will be going back to work soon! So I'm relieved that he scarfed it down!
• He's a pretty good car rider, so long as it isn't time to eat. Then all bets are off, no matter what is going on.
• He's a gassy little fella, that Cohen.
• Jake is a super big helper. I have caught him telling Cohen, "it's ok Cohen, Jakey is here. It's ok, brudder" SO precious. Makes my heart swell. He's in love with his baby. He has to show him off everywhere we go, to everyone he sees. It really is so precious. I have also caught him trying to bring Cohen to me. He likes to tell me why he is crying, and he always has a solution. I am pretty sure he thinks we are all three raising and parenting Cohen. It's so cute. I can't wait to watch their relationship grow and develop.

Cohen, you are the perfect little addition to our family. I can already see so many differences in you and your brother. I can't wait to see you grow and develop your little personality. We have so much fun ahead of us, as a family of four!!

Cohen's Birth Day

This post may contain words like fluid, blood, pain, cervix... words descriptive of a labor and delivery process. Consider yourself warned. :)

Due to the nature of my pregnancy, and mostly my state of mind, I chose to be induced with this baby. I would have LOVED to spontaneously labor and deliver without pain meds. I seriously would have loved to do that. But given all we have been through, I just could not wait another minute to have my kid. I feel like a labor and delivery nurse hypocrite for inducing early, but seriously, I was HIGH anxiety. I even chose to be induced a little earlier than I usually approve of. People, I was going CRAZY. I was having terrible thoughts. Thoughts like, "I only have __ more days before I am sure not to have a stillborn". Seriously, terrible, ugly thoughts. But come on! Given my past, I felt set up for failure... even till the day he was born. Until the moment I was on that monitor, the day of delivery, I never felt safe during my pregnancy. I mean every word of that. The moment I was hooked up for delivery, I was able to breathe the biggest sigh of relief. Aaaaah. For several different reasons, we chose Thursday, May 30th. I was 38 weeks and 5 days pregnant. I was scheduled for 5:30am. I'm pretty sure I got like 3 hours of sleep the night before. Everything was much more rushed this time as we were much less prepared. I chose not the prepare things in case something happened with the pregnancy. I didn't want to have to take down an entire nursery if something bad had happened--see?! My mind was just NOT a good place. Jaded, I suppose. Anyway, lots of rushing around the night before. My awesome dad stayed with Jake the night before and was his "keeper" for the big day. Shout out to my dad for doing that! He had just started a new job too, and was still able to do all that for us. He is awesome. Thank you, Dad!!!

Being that I am a labor and delivery nurse, after all, I have a slight upper hand on a few things. Things like who does what at the hospital. That said, I chose my friend, Ashley, to be our nurse. We chose to deliver at my old work, Saint Francis (the big one on Yale) for several different reasons, but mostly because my friends got to help us labor, deliver, recover and take care of Cohen. I chose Ashley because she is super mellow and does not get worked up about anything and she is a rockin' nurse. I needed mellow and low key for sure. My doctor actually warned her that she may need to turn my monitor off to keep me from freaking out. LOL I was pretty high anxiety in those last few weeks. Who am I kidding?! I was pretty high anxiety from the day I found out I was pregnant!!! Here is where I would thank my awesome doctor, Dr. Sterling, and his awesome nurse, Lindsey, for dealing with me and all my freaking out for 10 solid months. They were SO awesome and understanding! And really, not just for those 10 months. It has been a grueling and long 31 months of trying to have this sweet boy. And they were super supportive and awesome that whole time. I know they were just doing their jobs, but I really feel like I owe them a lot. Thanks, Dr. Sterling and Lindsey!!

Water broke around 9am. I know I've experienced it before, but it's still disgusting and gross feeling. Seriously. Rupturing membranes always makes for more intense contractions, especially when you're on pitocin. I asked for my epidural around noon and come to find out, like seven of us laboring women had requested theirs at the same time!! Ahhh!! I think I waited like a little over an hour. Not really too bad of a wait, but it felt like an eternity while I was experiencing it! It just made the relief that much better! It was an awesome epidural. I ended up being ridiculously numb, which is great. After that, things were just the norm. Just waiting and hanging out. Ashley put in an IUPC which just measures contraction intensity. It did the exact same thing this time as it did with Jake--my contractions appear to be less than adequate, but I still change my cervix and have a kid. What can I say? I have a weird uterus. What's new?

Around 2:30pm I text Ashley on her phone and told her that I was feeling pressure. She came right in and checked. I was an anterior lip-which means my cervix was alllllmost completely dilated, it just lacked a little rim. After that, it all went pretty fast. She called the doc. They got the room set up. I text my friend Keirsten to come on up. Keirsten was Jake's nursery nurse when he was born, and she came in special, just for Cohen. Thank you, Keir!!

Keirsten combing Cohen's hair while Jake watches.

We started pushing at 3:30. I pushed through 3 contractions, and at 3:44pm our prayers were answered. Our baby boy was finally here. He was 8lb 3oz and 20.75" long. You better believe I ripped my shirt open and plopped that baby right up on my chest. Ashley reaffirmed why I chose her as my nurse when she didn't ask one time to take him away from me. She didn't even ask. She did all her nursey stuff right there with him on my chest. Footprints, cord clamping, APGARs, all of it... while he stayed right on my chest, skin to skin... the way it's supposed to be. :) That's an awesome nurse, people!! Thank you, Ashley!!

When I first saw Cohen, I was elated and overjoyed. After about 30 seconds, the reality came flooding in. He's really here. We finally made it. He's finally safe and sound in our arms. I can not explain that feeling. It was just as special as that first moment with Jake, but also extremely different. We hadn't faced any heartache prior to Jake, so everything I felt then was pure elation. While I was elated with Cohen, I was also thinking about the three other times we could have had a baby. And those thoughts led to that I wouldn't have Cohen if that had happened. It was a lot of emotions and a lot of thoughts, but the main feeling was just simply RELIEF. All my fears, anxieties... relieved. He was here, and healthy, and beautiful, and that was all that mattered.

All in all, it was a great experience. I am so thankful for all the help we got at the hospital and all the help we continued to get once we were home. My parents made like 3 trips to Tulsa in a 4 days time-period all helping us out with Jake. They were SO awesome. Tana took all the pictures of the delivery, which I am in love with and so thankful to have. And I can not leave this unsaid--we have been loved on by 2 groups of people that have made us feel so blessed to a part of. Our old Sunday School class at FBCBA brought us meals for the first few days. While we don't attend that church any longer, this group is SO special to my heart. They walked right alongside me while I endured the pain of all the losses and not knowing and infertility stuff. They will forever be special to me. Thank you FBCBA girls for loving on us!! And our new, totally awesome community group at our new church, set us up with meals for the next few days. SO awesome, SUCH a blessing. Thank you, guys!

Finally...

It is with great pleasure, anticipation, joy and excitement that we can introduce Cohen Derick Pickle to the world.

Photo by Son Kissed Photography by Kristen Mackey

 This little boy is a long time coming! I can't wait to tell him some day how prayed over he was before he ever came into this crazy world. From the day I found out we were pregnant for the fifth time, I sent out prayer requests to those close to me asking for intercessory prayers on our behalf. I found out at 3 weeks and 5 days. And his big brother prayed for his arrival up until the night before he was born. Prior to this, we had prayed long and hard (Jake included), through all of our trials and losses. This pregnancy was our last try before "giving up". I mean that. It was very spontaneously decided on that we would even try. And it would be the last time I could endure the thought of going through the pain of another loss. Guys, I know I've said it a thousand times before... and everyone deals differently, but miscarriage and infertility is really hard. I was telling my mom recently that after my first loss, no big deal. Not really NO big deal, but one loss is still well within the norm. It's still a very normal statistic. The second loss was quite a blow and just as unexpected as the first, but still recoverable. After that third one... I was a changed person. All our losses have changed the core of my being. I choose, now, to believe it was for the good.

And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are called according to his purpose.

I would never in my life have chosen the path we took to get to this beautiful baby boy; but now that we are here, I am thankful beyond words for everything we have gone through. It's weird to be thankful for miscarriage and infertility, but I have gained so much from it all--life experience, to trust God, faith-when there is no other choice. I'm not gonna say I'm all rainbows and butterflies because of it, because that's far from the truth. When I say I'm a changed person, I mean that I am a major realist now. Probably the worst thing I got out of the deal was that there is likely not a person on Earth that sees a glass more half empty than me! Some people call it pessimism, I like to call it realism. ;)

I have held on to this hope for so long... and I could not WAIT for the day I could say it while holding my baby boy. 

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

One Last Time

My last pregnancy update! I can't believe we've made to practically the end! What an unbelievable, major blessing. Our little Cohen will be here soon taking over our world just like his big brother did. I can't wait to see Jake as a big brother. He gets so excited talking about the baby. I've caught him sweet talking and sweetly hushing an imaginary baby in Cohen's car seat. He asks about Cohen's stuff all the time and talks about how cute and little it all its. I really think he's going to do well with the big brother role. Although this pregnancy has been FULL of panicky moments, I feel so blessed to have been able to experience the joy that pregnancy is, just one more time. There was a time I never thought this was going to happen. I took so much for granted during my first pregnancy. I know everything we have been through was for a reason and one of those reasons was to teach me to really stop and be thankful in every moment. Every moment of our lives we live something that someone else would give anything for. Even what we think are the suckiest moments. There IS someone out there that would GLADLY throw up every day for 9 months, if it got them a baby at the end. I promise. I was one of them once. Just because this baby is almost here, it also doesn't negate all the pain we went through. I still remember all of it, and it's probably actually a lot heavier on me these days than in the last few months. So many what if's, so many thankful moments, so many bittersweet thoughts... It is really weird. We will be having this kiddo very soon. I am asking for lots of prayers for us! Number one is a healthy baby and momma! We are very anxious and can't wait to have this sweet boy in our arms and bring him home. Thank you for all your prayers, thoughts, concerns and sweet words throughout the last few months. It's been a joy to share with you some of our excitement and emotions. I can't wait to post a picture of our family of 4!!! 

How far along? 38 weeks, 4 days

Total weight gain/loss: I have gained an outrageous amount of weight this time!!! I didn't gain hardly anything half the pregnancy, the last half... since I have slacked on my updates... I have gained toooooo much! Total gain-40 pounds as of yesterday's OB visit. Not kidding. I cannot wait to start losing weight. I mean that.

Maternity clothes? Uh, yes. Or yoga pants. Have I mentioned I love yoga pants!?

Stretch marks? I actually got a couple on my belly this time! Two actually. One right above my belly button and one right below it. 

Sleep: I just love sleeping. There's not a lot that can keep me from it. I nap a lot and I still sleep all night. Sure, I have some aches and pains at night, but nothing a little position changing can't take care of. 

Best moment this week: Working my last day of work before maternity leave! Wooo!

Movement: He beats me up. It's not uncommon to hear a random yelp from me after being kicked in some weird, random way that hurts really bad. Not complaining! I love that he moves so much!!! And I know I am going to miss it. 

Food cravings: Let's be honest here. I love eating just about everything and pretty certain my stomach capacity has like doubled in the last 3 months. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nah

Have you started to show yet: Not only is my belly largely and gloriously pregnant, but I often am told just how much it shows in my face. I hear almost weekly that my face is puffy, or filling out, or fat. Just you know, whatever they want to say. People are real sweet.

Belly Button in or out? still in. pretty flat and funny lookin, but it's in.

Wedding rings on or off? On. Still on.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy

Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy every moment, you never know what you're complaining about, that someone else would be dying to go through. :) Just treasure all of it. One day, even the yucky stuff will be a happy memory.

Milestones: I stopped taking Lovenox this week!! I also figured out about two weeks FINALLY how to inject that crap without bruising. If you ever have to take it, hit me up... (lol) I can give you some pointers on that crazy stuff.