Finally...

Well, here we are friends. I have prayed for this moment for what seems like an eternity. Although, it has really only been a couple of years. We are... wait for it... it's good, ya'll...

we

....

are

.....

PREGNANT!!!!!!!! 

Woooo!!!

YES! I've wanted to post and shout it from the rooftops sooner than now, but I have been so mixed with my emotions, that I wanted to make sure I was excited when I announced, rather than doubtful and faithless. Which is how I feel like I have spent the last 17 weeks.  I have been keeping track of things and my emotions and feelings, but privately since I wasn't "public" yet with our news. So, I am going to just start by telling the story, then posting a couple other extra posts.

Derick and I had been talking about, and praying about adopting. Of course, it is our calling, as Christian people to reach out to orphans. I still don't feel like God has closed the door completely in that area. However, we were so close to starting the process that I had phone numbers ready to call when we got back from our trip in September. On the third day of my cycle (sorry if that's TMI) I felt like I should just ask Derick what he thought about trying one more time. I prayed about how to ask him, and I really felt God pushing me to ask NOW. I was a bit hesitant, but did anyway. (I'm glad I did) We hadn't tried at all in many, many months. We had been preventing up until that point. To my surprise, Derick was very on board and agreed that we should at least try once more before proceeding with an adoption. This was cycle day 5, when I brought it up to D. I was to start the clomid process ON that day. So, thankfully, Doctor Optimistic's office was quick to call in the script, and I was right on track with my Clomid pills. As we all know well, I am very pessimistic. I went into this basically knowing it wasn't going to work, so I was pretty much just ignoring the fact that we were trying and I was taking meds, etc. Besides... we were leaving for our vacation in a few days after that! So my mind was kept quite busy. I ovulated sometime on the cruise, and apparently it worked. I found out at 3w5d (crazy, I know) the same cycle day I found out with Jake's pregnancy. I immediately phoned Dr. Optimistic to let him know, and we started my pregnancy regimen. At that time, I was taking a pill that has extra folic acid and b vitamins, and a baby aspirin a day. The day I found out, I added Lovenox shots, and progesterone to the mix. I spent a lot of time praying and trying to forget that I was pregnant. I had quants drawn, and MUCH to my surprise, they always went up perfectly. I still tried to forget that I was pregnant. In the past, I had begun the bonding process most women go through as soon as they find out. I had lost so many, in a row, that I just couldn't let my mind go there. I had my first appt at 5w4d. Everything looked perfect. But I was still skeptical. I lost track of my appointments because unfortunately, I had a LOT of freak out moments causing me to have to be seen in the office to calm my insane fears from my past history. The Dr.'s office has been exceptionally wonderful with me. If I could give a shout out on a blog I totally would give one to Tulsa Women's Health Care... they have been incredible from the get go. Not just this pregnancy... all of the past. Anyway, at one point, Dr. Optimistic looked me square in the face, after one of my freak out visits, and told me that I have got to just trust God, calm down and let Him handle it. He also said he didn't want to offend me by saying that because he really cares about this pregnancy and my wellbeing. HA! I already know I'm crazy!! But it was really nice to hear all that, if nothing else. I told him he's going to be soooo thankful when this pregnancy is over! Every visit from about 9 or 10 weeks on, he's asked me if I am feeling better about things yet. Which I always say no to, because I don't think I'll ever feel 100% safe until I've got a baby in my arms. And he always says he feels great about it, I'm past my bad point. Ha! Of course Dr. Optimistic feels great about it! Debbie Downer over here... not so much.

I'm going to include my first questionnaire in this post, I may or may not keep them up!

How far along? 9 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: No weight gain, I lost a couple pounds. :(

Maternity clothes? No. Just lots of yoga pants and stretchy jeans. My regulars are just too snug these days for my poor bruised up belly. I feel like I'd still have a few more weeks left if my belly wasn't all sore.

Stretch marks? No.

Sleep: Hard time with sleep at night. Wake up to potty 1-2 times a night, then stay awake for about an hour afterward. I take lots of naps to make up for it.

Best moment this week: Finally being slammed with the nausea I have been literally begging God for!

Have you told family and friends: Family, yes-I told Derick of course, and Tana of course lol, and my mom immediately, my dad and sister within that first week or so. Friends, only a very few. I realize that to get prayer, you have to tell people. So a select few we told, so they could be praying.

Movement: too early

Food cravings: This changes weekly, almost daily. It ranges from Charlie's Chicken, to KFC mashed potatoes.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Pizza

Have you started to show yet: yes, but I'm work hard at hiding it. I was very shocked to see my belly start to protrude this early. I guess the second one really does show quicker! Plus, I am about 5 pounds under what I started out at with Jake.

Gender prediction: I think it's a girl.

Belly Button in or out? in. It never popped out with Jake.

Wedding rings on or off? on. I never had swollen fingers before either.

Happy or Moody most of the time: very, VERY moody.

Weekly Wisdom: Take advantage of the non-nausea time and get things done then! 

Milestones: NAUSEA has made its presence known!!!!

Mommy Picture Time.

I am going to share a few photo tips today, just because. I don't claim to rock at photography. I just claim to know a thing or two that you might like to know, or might help you improve your shot once in a while. We all know my poor child is in front of a camera almost constantly... if you are my friend on facebook, this is a very obvious thing! Well, he's become quite accustomed to it and has figured out how to charm me juuuust long enough. Then he starts getting silly. Well, some of my favorite pictures are those silly moments! Yay!

First off, I like to photograph my tree in full day light. Yep, that's right! The light on Jake's face is coming from my wall lined, big north facing windows, in my living room, at about 1pm on a fairly sunny day (today, actually). My Christmas tree sits off to the side of the windows by about 8 feet, give or take. I use a Nikon camera (not knocking Canon, I just have only ever used Nikon) anyway, it's a Nikon D700, and I love my 50mm f/1.4 fixed lens, that is what I am using. It's a fixed lens, so it doesn't zoom in and out, and it takes excellent portraits. Anyway! First of all, you need to dial on top of the camera (I can't show you mine, bc it looks nothing like the other Nikons!) to M instead of the auto feature. This would also be a great time to learn metering, which is not nearly as intimidating as it sounds! This first shot is shot at a shutter speed of 125. I was always taught that you don't want to ever take a picture of something that might move, without the use of a tripod, at less than 125. :) Just a fun fact for ya! My aperture is set at 2 (that is how the lights are so blurry and cool looking, they call that bokeh...i have no idea why). And my ISO was set at 1000 today.

I tried my hardest to get him to face the windows, but he is two and he moves a lot! :) Here's a couple of our pictures today. Hope you can take something from my very non-formal, not a lot of info, rundown.

Shutter speed 1/125, f/2, ISO 1000 edited to bring in some more brightness.

Shutter 1/125, f/2, ISO 1000, I put a little bit of a layer on this one and brought in some brightness again.

I love this picture!!!

Shutter 1/80 (I got lucky!!) f/2, ISO 1000. Added a layer for the creamy effect, but the shutter speed is why it is already bright and I didn't have to do that afterward. :)

Cool Cat

When I was pregnant with Jake, before I found out that he was a HE, people would always talk about how boys aren't fun to dress, blah, blah... WELL...*I* say...People who say dressing a boy is boring... see Jake Pickle... and the lady in charge of keeping it cool. Because I am here to tell you, I LOVE dressing my boy!!! eeeeeeyep. Boys ARE fun to dress. Their clothes are a little harder to seek out the good ones, but that makes it even better because I love the thrill of the find! Anyway, without further ado...

my little hipster.

This is just a play outfit, but it's still darn cute, I think. :)

Vacation Part Dos!

On Thursday, we were in beautiful Grand Cayman Island. I don't know what I was expecting at this place, but it was a very Americanized, utopia-like place. The tour guide said there was nothing poisonous on the island and there were very little insects. Whaaaaa!! My kinda place! Until they said that literally everything on the island is imported... so prices are all about three times what you'd pay here in the states. Gas was like $7 a GALLON. Yeah. I think I can deal with my bugs. :( In Grand Cayman, we went to the Sea Turtle Farm,

where we got to see all the different ages and stages of sea turtles (no one on earth can determine a sea turtle's age, so they keep them in tanks based on birth), hold sea turtles, and even swim with them! I tried my hand at snorkeling for the second time in life (first was on my honeymoon and it was NOT a success). I was successful with the turtles and I am SO glad Derick talked me into it! It was my favorite part of the trip. Jake swam for a little bit, but quickly got bored. Derick and I spent a little extra time just messing around in town before we had to head back to the ship.

Jake went back with his Nanna and Pappa to get ready for nap. In our room, we had a bunk that pulled down from the ceiling. For real. Haha. Anyway, that is where Jake chose to sleep. We gave him the choice of a cot beside our bed, in our bed, or in the bunk. He chose the bunk, and he did awesome the whole time!

On Friday, we arrived at Cozumel, Mexico.

 I'm going to sound like a snob when I say this, but I have been to Cozumel so many times now, that this was my least favorite of the 3 stops. We went to a private beach location called, Isla Pasion, or Passion Island.

This was my third time here. It was actually the same place those Corona commercials were filmed at. Pretty cool. Anyway, we take a boat to an island about 45 minutes away from Cozumel. Swim, play, and lounge on a private beach all afternoon and eat delicious, all you can eat, Mexican food. Yum.

Saturday was spent "at sea" and mostly relaxing from 3 fun-filled, very exhausting days.

We got back to New Orleans on Sunday morning and headed back home that day. Jake did great on the ride home, too.

All in all, I would highly recommend a cruise for a family with young kid(s)! We always have a blast.

We Went on Vacation!

Man! I have really slacked in the blogging world!! This ended up being extremely long so I broke it up into a couple different days.

Listening to some old school 1997 MON Hanson. Believe it.

Well, we went on vacation. And it was so fun! We have been blessed with a tremendous little sleeper in Jake, as well as a super flexible kid. We left for New Orleans and spent the weekend there before boarded the cruise ship on a Sunday. Jake was great through the 11 hour ride down there, thanks to Mommy's iPod, Curious George, and Clifford the Big Red Dog.
 In NOLA, we enjoyed some local cuisine ;-) went the to aquarium,

 an insectarium

 and rode the trolley.

This was our first trip not to bring a pack and play with us and Jake (of course) did excellent. He slept in his very own bed in the hotel in NOLA.

We boarded the ship on Sunday and left for the beautiful blue waters of the Caribbean.

 Actually, it takes around 12 hours just to get out of the mouth of the Mighty Mississippi. And if you have seen the Mississippi River... well, it's nickname, the "Muddy Mississippi", is for a reason. It's no beauty, that's for sure. ;-) When we woke up the next morning, we were smooth sailing on the deep blue ocean waters.

 Jake was old enough this time to attend Camp Carnival. Carnival provides something for kids 2-teen. I guess the teenager one is pretty cool because I overheard a couple teens talking about what they were doing later, more than once. lol. Anyway, Jake was in the 2-5 group. He had a blast and would ask us if he could go. We took him once or twice a day, mostly on the "days at sea" when we weren't in port. We had 2 days at sea, then we arrived at our first port in Jamaica on Wednesday. In Jamaica, we went to an all-inclusive resort, which I HIGHLY recommend. It was a resort with a swim-up bar,

 a restaurant, and a very nice, very pretty beach,

 and some non-motorized water stuff. We rode a hobie catamaran...very fun!

The water was the clearest, prettiest water, I've ever seen! It was as clear as bath-water!

The one and only downside to this place were the jellyfish. There were gigantic jellyfish. But if you're not much on swimming in large bodies of water, like me... then it isn't a problem to you.

After Wednesday night at dinner in the formal dining room, we quickly realized Jake is not quite cut out for a long day, short and late nap, AND formal dining. So we changed things up and ate at the Lido Deck during days we went on excursions.

Until tomorrow... lol aren't you waiting on pins and needles?! Hahaha, right!

Happy Monday, friends!

Happy and Whole

Major healing has happened in my heart this summer. And all the glory goes right up to God for it. Just like cute, little Gabby Douglas said, "the glory goes up to Him, and the blessings fall down on me."

I finally feel like I have blessings falling down on me! (It has been a LONG time coming)

I am feeling beyond BLESSED lately. It makes me smile just to see myself type that... for real. I am beaming with excitement that I am finally feeling this way! It has become increasingly apparent to me that I have been able to leave behind my feelings of discontentment, anger, fear, anxiety, dread, jealousy, etc (lots of bad feelings) in regards to my past 2 years. We all know what that entails, I won't even go into the deets of all that, yet again.

I know I posted about all we've been able to do this summer, and how I have enjoyed Jakey, motherhood, family, and just life in general this summer. It has to do with a couple things. First and foremost, I've been able to just sit back, chill out, and ENJOY LIFE--because I finally gave it all up to the One who had it all to begin with! Second, I have realized that I AM right where God wants me. (I am in no way knocking non only child-ness with what I'm about to say, it's just how I know I'm right where God wants me) However... it has become VERY increasingly apparent to me that most the things we have been able to do this summer, I could never have done, had MY plan (not God's) worked out the way I had hoped for it to. God really DOES know way better than me. Not that I will ever just forget about what we've gone through... no, it's all still there. But I'm not dwelling on it and living only for it (big diff). Instead, now all that is just a part of our past. We are living for the here and now. We get to go... and do... and we have a blast. We can go to the pool whenever we want. We can go to the bounce-around whenever we want. We can have lunch dates with just he and I, or us and a couple friends. Whatever we want... there's only the one kid whose schedule I have to work around, there's just the one kid that has needs, one I have to pay for, buy for, there's just the one kid that I have to keep up with, or entertain, or teach, and mostly... I've been given this one precious kiddo to give all of my heart's mommy-love to. It has been an awesome time of just Jake-ness. And I'll say it, selfishly... I am not even sure anymore when I want to make Jake a sibling. That's saying a lot since I've wanted a second kid from the time Jake was 10 months old! I seriously can't even believe I feel the way I do about it now. It's been so long since I have had to prevent pregnancy, that I almost laugh about my complete opposite, current feelings on the subject. I am just having so much fun right now with "just Jake". Like I said, I don't mean to knock anyone else's situations. I'm just finally to a point where I'm not burning with envy when I see a mom with her 2 year old and her baby. Nope... much the opposite.  I'm not sure how I can express how great it finally feels to be content with me, us, everything. Now I just smile and kiss my little boy on the head when I see that same situation that made me burn with envy not even 4 months ago. :) It is just more reassurance that I am healing--and THAT is what makes me smile.

Like I said, I'm totally not knocking having more than one kid! I'd still love for that to be us... someday. Just not quite yet. And that's what I'm so happy about. Just being content with the here and now. I actually had some say to me recently that the "worst case scenario" in regards to child/age-spacing (which a whole other topic that makes me laugh... since I had it all "planned" out, y'know) would be to "only have one kid". I almost couldn't pick my jaw up off the ground when that was said, seeing that there is still a possibility that Jake could be an only-child forever and I do not consider that a "worst-case scenario" of any sort! I'm sure glad God gives us different desires, because I am just so thankful for the one (happy and healthy) kiddo that I DO have. And if God never desires for us to have another little Pickle... then... Jake is all we need, and that certainly is NOT a worst case scenario. I think people never think about what they're saying when they say it. HA. Thankfully, we are all different, and no one's needs are exactly the same. I don't think it would suck at all to have more than one kid right now! BUT I am so thankful for the time I am getting to spend with just me and my little boy. I'm thankful and content with the here and now. Finally.

God knew what He was doing when He kept Jake an only child for a while longer than I thought I wanted. HE knew what we all needed. Granted, yes, it came at a price. But I promise you, they are life lessons that I would not trade for the world. Every loss had a purpose. Each one making me who I am today, and the family that we are right now. I don't know, I just wanted to document this so I would be able to remember this time in my life...

When I felt whole again...

And it feels sooooo good.

It's another happy day.

Happy Wednesday, friends!

Hap Birt Ja!

Jake is 30 months old today!

Happy 1/2 birthday, Jakey!

NEW TRADITIONAL ALERT!!!

We celebrated Jake's half birthday with a half of a cookie cake and a half birthday message to boot. 

I sure love this wild, and crazy little kiddo! He makes life so fun!

Happy Monday almost Tuesday!!