Let Them Be Kids

I LOVE this age of creativity and learning. It is so much fun to watch Jake explore and learn. And one of the things I love to do is let him learn on his own. Sure, we sit down with flash cards of our colors, numbers, and letters. But I also like to let him learn to do things on his own. Y'know, problem solve! Today, we painted with shaving cream... which he loved. He even tried to taste it. Ha! He was a little confused. When he was finished, he wanted his hands clean. He thought they were dirty. Messy, sure, but not dirty... it's shaving cream! So, I set a little bowl of water down, so he could clean his own hands. I just set the bowl down, and he figured out the rest. He loved it. Water was all over my kitchen. :) Water cleans up easily. It was so fun to watch him paint and then "clean up".

When we were done with that, since I already had my splat mat down, I figured I'd let him "cook". We used a mixture of just little things that would be easy to pick up, or fun to feel. I chose salt and flour because of their similar appearance, but very different textures (and tastes, he found out). He had a blast making his little concoction. It also cleaned up easily... with a broom.

We had lunch with my friend Shara, and her daughter, Jake's friend, Paisley. The two toddlers together always make an interesting time. The guy behind Jake and I had orange cheetle on his back... thanks to Jake. And the lady behind Shara and Paisley got a nice back rub, courtesy of Paisley. :) Good times.

When we got home, it was so nice out, so I took Jake to the park that is right around the corner from our house. He had so much fun playing and exploring. We came home around 1, and he went right to sleep. Ahhhh.

Well, our day was pretty fun!!

I hear him waking now... :)

Happy Monday, friends!

It Goes Like This...

Ok friends. I have had several of you praying for me. This is where I finally get to the nitty gritty of what's going on with me, medically. This will be very long and very wordy, so if you're not really interested, then this will be a very boring post. After all the miscarriages, all the tests run, all the doctor's visits. I have waited to get it all out there, mainly because things are a lot more vague than I would like, so I didn't want to have to go back and change my story and get more confusing. Blah.


First of all, thank you so, so much for all the prayers and positive words of encouragement. And to those of you that have asked how things are going, thank you. Sometimes with my sitch, it is kinda like a big elephant in the room and probably easier to avoid discussing for some people. Understandable. But to those of you who genuinely text me, called me, spoke with me... thank you. For real.


So, basically the past 17 months have gone like this..


October 2010, decide to start trying. Unsuccessful month.
November 2010 also unsuccessful.
December 2010 decide not to try, get pregnant naturally without fertility meds!
January 2011 miscarriage #1. Not out of the ordinary to have 1, continue trying in a few months.
3 month break.
May 2011 start trying, doctor would like to see how/if I'm ovulating on my own. I'm not.
June 2011 clomid. Failed.
July 2011 clomid. Pregnant, found out on my birthday.
August 2011 miscarriage #2 deemed "ectopic", but overall a pretty vague situation, but still called ectopic for all documentation purposes. Had to take methotrexate shots. Took 100 days for my hcg to reach non-pregnant levels. Weird. Decided both were separate flukes. Decide not to do testing.
October 2011 hcg levels finally drop to 0.
December 2011 decide to try again, took Femara.
January 2011 pregnant, found out on New Year's Day. Miscarriage #3. Not a fluke. You don't have 3 miscarriages in one calendar year. Diagnosis- recurrent pregnancy loss or habitual abortion. Followed shortly by the "recurrent pregnancy loss workup", which was the 16 vials of blood that were ran for all SORTS of different things. From what I've read, something like 50% of the time, there is nothing even found in these lab tests. So, I went into it thinking that since my odds have sucked thus far, I probably wouldn't find anything out.


Much the opposite. Two of my tests came back abnormal. Not one, two. I have two hereditary thrombophilias (clotting disorders); Factor V Leiden (V as in Roman Numeral 5, so it's said "Factor 5") and another one called MTHFR which is a short abbreviation for something called, get ready... methylenetetrahydrofolate reductase. Phew! Seriously. 


Ok, so... Factor V is not a disease, it is the presence of a particular gene that is passed on from the parents. Factor V Leiden is a variant of the protein Factor V, which is needed for blood clotting.

People who have a Factor V deficiency are more likely to bleed badly while people with Factor V Leiden have blood that has an increased tendency to clot.

People carrying the Factor V Leiden gene have a five times greater risk of developing a blood clot (thrombosis) than the rest of the population. However, many people with the gene will never suffer from blood clots

Researchers are still studying the exact nature of the relationship between Factor V Leiden (and other hereditary thrombophilias) and recurrent miscarriages. Different genetic blood clotting disorders have different levels of relationship to miscarriage, but Factor V Leiden is one of the hereditary thrombophilias that does appear to have a role in causing miscarriages (or at least increasing risk), because women with the mutation have a higher rate of miscarriages than women without it.

MTHFR can affect how a person's body processes homocysteine, an amino acid found in the blood. Researchers have looked at MTHFR gene mutations as being a possible factor in recurrent miscarriages with quite mixed results. Some studies find that MTHFR gene variations increase the risk of miscarriages while others find no link. MTHFR gene mutations are fairly common; nearly half the population of the United States may be at least heterozygous (one copy of the gene from one parent) for an MTHFR gene mutation. 

Many doctors believe that hereditary thrombophilias, such as Factor V Leiden, may increase the risk of miscarriage by creating tiny blood clots that block nutrient flow to the placenta and so they include MTHFR gene mutations in this category. Doctors who follow the theory of MTHFR variations as a thrombophilia disorder may prescribe anti-clotting therapy such as heparin and low dose "baby" aspirin to reduce the risk of blood clots. Others may recommend high doses of folic acid and possibly other B vitamins with the idea that this will reduce homocysteine levels and eliminate any added risk on that front.

Both of these are said to affect later term miscarriages, and not necessarily early ones, like mine. So, I was left feeling pretty blah about it.

Had an appointment with a hematologist, whose office is in the "Cancer Care" clinic. Talk about putting me in my place. In the grand scheme, cakewalk is what I've got. Anyway, this doctor was pretty nice, but told me that miscarriages were just a normal part of the trying to conceive process. Sorry, doc... not three... in a row. He told me that we could treat it, or we could just continue on with trying (and miscarrying). He said that there really isn't research that shows it would help, nor otherwise really. But he also said that the treatment used wouldn't harm me or baby and that if I wanted to, then he wouldn't see why not. So, I left there still pretty confused and bummed.

This week I had an appointment with my regular OBGYN and we discussed and developed our plan of action. There are no guarantees that it will work, but it doesn't hurt to try. It is our only option, and therefore, we decided that I'd be silly not to at least try.

Plan is- start taking a pill that is extra folic acid and b vitamins, take baby aspirin. Take fertility meds to get pregnant. Get pregnant. Begin a (very expensive into the thousands, but found out this week that my insurance covers it awesomely!) blood-thinner shot that I have to give myself twice a day in my belly and continue to take for the duration of the pregnancy, also start taking progesterone.

So, two hereditary thrombophilias. Take a bunch of medicine. Pray it works.

That's that in a giant nutshell. :)

Happy weekend, friends!

Did You Get a Push Present?

I took care of someone the other day that was asking about a "push present" (while they were pushing, ha!) They'd recently heard of it, and were asking me if I had ever heard of it. Working where I do, of course I've heard of it! I have had this conversation so many times. The woman mentions it, the husband thinks it something that SHE made up in order to get something new. And I always side with the lady, confirming that the push present is for real. It's actually a much bigger deal in other countries. Which I found kind of ironic, being that we Americans are probably the most spoiled of all people in the world.

Have you ever heard of a push present? If not, it's a present a woman receives after having a baby, or... after pushing out the baby. Yes, I understand that not all women "push" their babies out. It's just the name of the gift. I didn't create the name... I just received one. ;) See, not making it up.... Lots of people haven't heard of one. Lots of people also think it's ridiculous, and a lot of people think it's a great idea. I've heard it all. Trust me, I work in it... so, I'm serious, I have heard it all. :)

I did want a push present, but I didn't want something big and extravagant and ridiculous. Although, carrying a human around for 9 months and then pushing it out of my body, was certainly no walk in the park. Even if I'd never had a kid, I really truly believe that a woman deserves SOME kind of recognition or appreciation gift (from her spouse or significant other) for doing just that. Just my thought. Think what you may. Anyway, Derick also liked the idea, so we thought long and hard on my push present before Jake was born. In fact, I thought so long and hard, that I didn't go pick it out until after he was born.

I wanted something that every time I looked at it, I would remember it. I wanted it to be important and not just like flowers that quickly die, or a gift certificate that I would spend and forget what I got. I wanted something that would last.

My push present

My push present was this Pandora charm bracelet. I've seen tons of these, and they're SO cute when they're all filled up. I've known people to get theirs filled up really quickly. But I didn't wanna do that. I wanted mine to be first from Derick, and then after that, we decided that when Jake "got" me a present for the holidays, he would get me charms. Each one means something. So, not only did I get the bracelet with three charms to start out with (the baby carriage, the light blue bead, and the J) for my "push present", but each time I get another charm, it means something. And I can look down and know for what occasion each little charm was for too. The first three and the bracelet itself, were for Jake's birth and Valentine's Day. The one that says "mother" on it, was for my first mother's day. The purple-stoned one, I got for my birthday. It's amethyst, Jake's birthstone. All the others are a mixture of birthdays and holidays from then till now. I know what each of them are for, and each one makes me smile. The most questioned one is the owl. I guess it doesn't really look much like an owl, from what I'm told. Then the next natural question about it, is why an owl? Ha. My grandma has collected owls for long before I even came along. And in the past few years, I have become quite fond of owls. My grandma packaged up a BUNCH of her old owl stuff from jewelry to knick-knacks for me. If you ever see me wearing an owl necklace (which I almost always am) chances are highly likely that it came from my grandma. My favorite owl necklace was one that she wore when she was younger than me!

Anyway, my push present turned presents from Jake. :) I couldn't wait for the day that Jake could help me pick out the charms he was "getting" me. For Valentine's Day, he helped me pick out a bead last night. He liked the blue swirly one the best. I narrowed it down to three charms for him to choose from and blue swirly is what we ended up with. :) Eventually I'll fill this one up and we'll move on to another bracelet. I can not tell you how much I LOVE the idea that he's gonna grow up picking out charms. I assume some of them are going to be ones that I would probably never, ever pick out, but they'll mean so much to me because he picked them.

There ya have it!

So, if you have a lucky (pregnant, or someday pregnant) lady in your life... go on ahead... treat her with something special for loaning out her body and birthing your child. ;-) Sure, the baby is gift enough, but trust me,

that bracelet is so special to me and totally worth the thought of a "push present".

Happy Wednesday, friends!

Birthday Number 2!

Happy birthday, beautiful boy!

Jake is TWO years old! We are celebrating pretty low-key today with a Jake-day (do whatever Jake wants all day). This included going to the store for balloons and stopping for chicken nuggets and fries, and watching lots of his favorite shows. Birthdays are for spoiling, so it's back to normal tomorrow. :) This weekend, we'll have his big YO! party, party!

My, how time passes. This child of ours is so fun and lovable. He spends most of his waking hours talking. He now speaks in full sentences and ideas. I know kids are funny and they say the darndest things, but holy cow... he's a riot! We just got back from vacationing with my mom's side of the family and one night at dinner he literally had us IN TEARS!! He's a mess. I have no idea where it comes from. His daddy is one of the funniest people I know, seriously. And the smart aleck side... well, I KNOW where that comes from. ;) He is king of eye rolling right now. Oh my. And tell me about the "terrible two's". Wait, I can tell you all about it. But I wouldn't trade it for the world. That kid produces more delight and blessings in my life than I ever thought possible. Those simple "wub you, momma"'s before bed will melt my heart every single time.

On vacation, two things were vital to Jake. Mickey, and me. I already know he's a momma's boy... but gooood grief. I was telling everyone at dinner one night that I always longed for a kid that would want me the most, that I would settle their tears and kiss away their owies. Well, ladies and gentlemen... I have all I ever wanted and more.

And I wouldn't it trade it for the world.

Let it go on record... everyone that said how much boys love their mommas... well, they were not kidding. Little boys LOVE their mommas. :)

I have been updating Jake's likes and size and what-not's, but other than the serious conversing he does now, nothing else really has changed. He still loves Gabba, McDonald's chicken and fries, playing outside, water, coloring, tv (oy), sleeping long naps :), jumping off of things.


HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE MOST BEAUTIFUL NEWBORN BABY I HAVE EVER SEEN!!!

A COUPLE HOURS OLD


I can not believe it has been two years since these pictures were taken. They still completely melt my heart.

We love you, baby boy.

Grace Is All I Need

Up until this past year (you know, the one where I had 3 miscarriages in one calendar year) yeah, up until then... I could have literally counted on one hand, the number of times in my life I can remember having had ANY lab work drawn. Seriously. In the past year, I have sat in this chair at LEAST 20 times. The usual draws were like one, maybe two labs at time. Not a big deal at all. And really, today was no big deal (mainly because of the totally rockin' phlebotomist). Well, have yourself three miscarriages in a row and you get what you see below. One of the girls in the office was helping the sweet (and phenomenal) phlebotomist get all my vials and paperwork that went with them ready. I heard her say, "Yeah, all 16 or 17 of them".  I laughed, I thought she was kidding. The phlebotomist didn't wanna tell me how many tubes of blood she was drawing when I asked her, but she said since I was nurse she'd tell me, there were 16 tubes to collect. My response? "At least it's not 20!!" :) "Spoken like a true medical professional", she said. Well, in the medical world you know it can always be worse.

 This week/month/season of life I am working on thanking God, truly thanking Him, for my losses. Paul tells us to rejoice in our weaknesses. I have come across 2 Corinthians 12 so many times the past week (it was even randomly text to me, thank you, Stephanie) it says...

"Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. ⁹ Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. ¹⁰ That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong."

God will use this time in my life for a reason. Of that, I am certain. Still a little (or a lot) foggy and confusing. But deep down, I know.

I am praying that an answers lies within one of those tubes!! Will you pray with me?

I AM the One Percent

Doesn't that sound so cliche? Recently, I've seen so many dumb pickets that say something similar to this. But today, when I say it, I am fully serious.

I am... 1%.

Trust me, I wish I was the 99%.

1 in 100 women will experience recurrent miscarriages (I've also seen this dubbed "habitual aborter", what the HECK! isn't that a rockin' way to define such a miserable diagnosis?!) This is defined as 2-3 miscarriages in a row. There is sometimes a bit of a grey area with the 2. A lot of doctors want to see 3 in a row before they do testing. My case was a bit confusing, so we didn't do testing after the second miscarriage because they seemed to be two separate fluke events with completely different circumstances. Well, hindsight...

On New Year's Day, we were out of town celebrating our fifth wedding anniversary, we woke up to find we were expecting. Yes, again. I just knew this couldn't happen three times in a row. Well, it doesn't matter what I think. Que sera, sera. I thought I knew it couldn't happen twice in a row, and it did.

As of today, it's official. Three in a row. In every study, case, whatever... 3 is the bottom line. And I am there. In only 50% of that 1% will an underlying cause even be found. And to answer your question, yes, we will be doing testing. My case is kind of confusing, though, because we have Jake. He was my first pregnancy. It was completely perfect. Aside from having to take medicine to GET pregnant, the pregnancy could not have been a more perfect one. So why then? Why would you have one perfectly normal, healthy pregnancy and child, then not be able to complete 3 pregnancies, back-to-back??

So let it go on record. THREE miscarriages in ONE calendar year.

That's right.

I just so desperately want Jake to have a sibling.
I want a big family.

But for now I will love on the little family God gave me and let them love me back. And I will praise God for the perfectly beautiful baby boy that He has given us. Oh, and I'll also grab a case of Dr. Pepper, of which I have not had a drop of since I found out I was expecting. Less than two weeks, sure... but DP is my main go-to!!

Please say a prayer for me tonight. I'd really appreciate it. :)

wee hands

I was "pinspired", as I like to call it, by a poem I read on Pinterest.

I searched high and low on the internet for an already made one of these things to just print out. I couldn't find one!!

So I made one. I'm gonna print it and put it in my kitchen. :) I love it.

Happy Tuesday, friends! 5 more days till Christmas!!