Sunday, December 5, 2010

10 Months

On the night before my sweet baby's 10 month "birthday" I find myself reflecting quite a bit on our last 10 months. They've been filled with more joy, love and laughter than ever before... than I even thought possible! They've also been filled with more frustration, anxiety, and worrying than ever before. I knew life would be more intense, but I'm not sure I realized that every emotion, including the bad ones, are felt way more intensely when a child is in the picture. You don't just fear things for yourself any longer... there is an innocent child that depends on you that you start to fear things for, as well. I try not to let my mind go there often, but we all think too much sometimes and with a kid, I feel like when I do let myself worry--I worry a bazillion times harder than the pre-kid days!!

I wrote a letter to Jake. You know, in the event that he begins reading in the next 24 hours. Kidding. I love blogging and the idea that it's like journaling, in a way... except I alway lose track of a journal. I always know where to find this one. And one day, I want Jake to read this and other letters I will be writing to him while he's little. :)


Dear Jake,

On your 10 month birthday--
I love, love, love being YOUR mommy. My heart overflows with love for you. You light up my life like nothing I’ve ever experienced. You are such a happy baby. You love to eat. Oh, honey, how you love to eat… anything and everything.  You are SUCH a good sleeper and this could not make a happier momma! You do not like to be alone unless you are in your crib. You love bath time. That is your fun time with Daddy. You have a blanky, but you only use it when you sleep. You snuggle your face into it before you go to sleep, and I think it is so stinkin’ cute! You absolutely refuse to hold your bottle, and just within the past couple days, you have started holding your sippy. I’m ok with that, because I know you won’t need me to hold that bottle forever, so for now… I will, and I'll love it. You are walking!! All over the place!! It is really hard to watch you run off and crash, but you have to learn somehow! You just get up and go right back at it, you’re a very determined little fella. You have most definitely perfected the art of run crawling. You crawl just like Mogley, from Jungle Book when you speed crawl. You are so funny. Your facial expressions keep everyone laughing. Your personality is very big and you let the world know it. When we are out in public, you talk to everyone we pass. If they don’t talk back, you talk louder until they do. You can say, “mama” “dada” “yum-yum” “uh-oh” and “hi”. You wave, and it’s not a normal wave… you flop your little hand up down and say, “hi, hi, hi, hi, hi”. You are a wild little boy; always busy doing something.  You love to climb all over Momma and Daddy.  You love playing with balls. Throwing them, rolling them, bouncing them, chasing them and taking them from the dogs.  Your very favorite toy is the “Big Cat”. He is a push-toy that plays music and you would push him for hours if you could. Your face lights up so big when you see “Big Cat”. You love to dance. Anytime your hear music or any kind of beat, you dance your little hear out. You bounce up and down or rock back and forth to the music. I have even seen you dancing to the sound of the whooshing dishwasher. You love to give kisses, but only on your terms. I have caught you kissing your reflection several times. You give the best sugars. You do not like to cuddle, except for bedtime. That is our special time together. You are so sweet when you twirl my hair and brush my face with your tiny little hand. You fall fast asleep in my arms and most nights I will just hold you and look into your beautiful little face. A lot of the time, I will dream about the future. What will you look like? What color will your hair be? What will your hobbies be? I pray that God blesses you with a sweet countenance. There is nothing more precious than a sweet little boy. We feel so blessed to have you as our baby boy, Jake Ryan.

Love you a million times a million, and that’s too many to count,

Momma

Jake with Big Cat

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