One Last Time

My last pregnancy update! I can't believe we've made to practically the end! What an unbelievable, major blessing. Our little Cohen will be here soon taking over our world just like his big brother did. I can't wait to see Jake as a big brother. He gets so excited talking about the baby. I've caught him sweet talking and sweetly hushing an imaginary baby in Cohen's car seat. He asks about Cohen's stuff all the time and talks about how cute and little it all its. I really think he's going to do well with the big brother role. Although this pregnancy has been FULL of panicky moments, I feel so blessed to have been able to experience the joy that pregnancy is, just one more time. There was a time I never thought this was going to happen. I took so much for granted during my first pregnancy. I know everything we have been through was for a reason and one of those reasons was to teach me to really stop and be thankful in every moment. Every moment of our lives we live something that someone else would give anything for. Even what we think are the suckiest moments. There IS someone out there that would GLADLY throw up every day for 9 months, if it got them a baby at the end. I promise. I was one of them once. Just because this baby is almost here, it also doesn't negate all the pain we went through. I still remember all of it, and it's probably actually a lot heavier on me these days than in the last few months. So many what if's, so many thankful moments, so many bittersweet thoughts... It is really weird. We will be having this kiddo very soon. I am asking for lots of prayers for us! Number one is a healthy baby and momma! We are very anxious and can't wait to have this sweet boy in our arms and bring him home. Thank you for all your prayers, thoughts, concerns and sweet words throughout the last few months. It's been a joy to share with you some of our excitement and emotions. I can't wait to post a picture of our family of 4!!! 

How far along? 38 weeks, 4 days

Total weight gain/loss: I have gained an outrageous amount of weight this time!!! I didn't gain hardly anything half the pregnancy, the last half... since I have slacked on my updates... I have gained toooooo much! Total gain-40 pounds as of yesterday's OB visit. Not kidding. I cannot wait to start losing weight. I mean that.

Maternity clothes? Uh, yes. Or yoga pants. Have I mentioned I love yoga pants!?

Stretch marks? I actually got a couple on my belly this time! Two actually. One right above my belly button and one right below it. 

Sleep: I just love sleeping. There's not a lot that can keep me from it. I nap a lot and I still sleep all night. Sure, I have some aches and pains at night, but nothing a little position changing can't take care of. 

Best moment this week: Working my last day of work before maternity leave! Wooo!

Movement: He beats me up. It's not uncommon to hear a random yelp from me after being kicked in some weird, random way that hurts really bad. Not complaining! I love that he moves so much!!! And I know I am going to miss it. 

Food cravings: Let's be honest here. I love eating just about everything and pretty certain my stomach capacity has like doubled in the last 3 months. 

Anything making you queasy or sick: Nah

Have you started to show yet: Not only is my belly largely and gloriously pregnant, but I often am told just how much it shows in my face. I hear almost weekly that my face is puffy, or filling out, or fat. Just you know, whatever they want to say. People are real sweet.

Belly Button in or out? still in. pretty flat and funny lookin, but it's in.

Wedding rings on or off? On. Still on.

Happy or Moody most of the time: Happy

Weekly Wisdom: Enjoy every moment, you never know what you're complaining about, that someone else would be dying to go through. :) Just treasure all of it. One day, even the yucky stuff will be a happy memory.

Milestones: I stopped taking Lovenox this week!! I also figured out about two weeks FINALLY how to inject that crap without bruising. If you ever have to take it, hit me up... (lol) I can give you some pointers on that crazy stuff. 

A Lorax Birthday

This post is like forever old, I have no idea why I never posted it???

Jake turned THREE. I seriously can not believe that kid is 3 YEARS old. I was just telling someone yesterday how cool it is as they grow older, the relationship that you begin to build with them. He is just such a cool kid. I love to just be with him. He has taught me more in three years, than I could ever have imagined a three year old kid could teach someone. I'm starting to have those conflicting feelings you get before you bring a second kiddo into the home. I know he'll be fine. And I know this is a gift to him that I have been wanting to give him for what seems like his whole little life. I am thrilled to watch him grow into a big brother, but I still get sad when I think about him not being my only baby anymore. Even though I have been wishing for this for a long time!

Anyway! Back to the party!

Jake has loved the book, "The Lorax" by Dr. Seuss. We have read and reread that book, probably a thousand times a piece! He got the movie for Christmas and was just as obsessed with it. We watched that movie almost every day! It's a good thing it's a good movie!

In trying to find a good "theme" for his party (since we all know I do love doing his birthday stuffs!) I just couldn't find a good one! So, I picked the one thing that wasn't totally cheesy, that he loved at that moment. Which was... LORAX!

If you know much about the Lorax, you know he was a peculiar little fella who cared a lot about trees, truffula trees, to be exact, and he had a big mustache! So the decor had a lot of staches, which I guess is perfect right now.

Then there was the food. I always tend to go overboard on the food situations. Whatever. It's fun. It's one day a year.

It was a fun day!

Three Times We Prayed.

In January of last year, after my third (and last) miscarriage, I kept coming across a certain set of verses.

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:8-10

I didn't know then, what those verses would eventually mean to me. In the same week that I kept reading them and seeing them over and over, a friend even text the passage to me. After I blogged about it then, and we decided to stop trying, I tucked that little passage away in the back of my mind. I continued to work on me and us and being thankful. We spent the next few months really living it up and pouring ourselves into the biggest blessing our life has known thus far. It really was a wonderful time, a time of healing.

Shortly before we got pregnant again, I began seeing that set of verses pop up again. I don't know about you, but as a Christian, when a certain set of verses keeps coming up, I pay attention! Three different times I did beg the Lord to take away the pain of suffering losses. And each time He helped me get back up when I was weak. I was so weak. So, so, so weak. But now. Now I AM glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that Christ can work through me. There it is... I knew it was for a reason, but to read it from The Word as if it was written exactly FOR my circumstances. Wow.

So, I feel like it is only necessary that we include this set of verses somehow in our little guy's life. I am going to make a a wall canvas so that every time I see it, I remember...His grace is all I need. And I remember how his power DID work best in weakness, just like He said it would. So that's why I don't keep quiet about my story. I could, I guess, but then how could people celebrate in Christ's power with me? I feel like I owe it to Him to make it known of all He has done for me.

I was talking to my mom yesterday about something that we know, but we never apply, because we are so human. I just got to thinking about how much grief and how much of a burden I could have given up if I would have just remembered the above verses. Why, oh why, can we not just remember that and apply it when we are going through it?? :)

Thanking God for these bruises today.

Have a happy rest of your Wednesday, friends!

25 weeks

I figured at this point, I'd feel so much more relaxed than I'm feeling right now!!! June cannot get here fast enough!!

This is my friend, Kristen. She is Kale's mom, Jake's good buddy. When we were pregnant with our boys, we were 12 weeks apart. Same thing this time! So crazy!

This is Shara. We worked together for a few years. She is Paisley's mom, Jake's favorite girl friend. Same thing! Our kiddos are 7 weeks apart and our fetuses are too! Ha!

How far along? 25 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 9 pounds up from pre-pregnancy weight

Maternity clothes? Still have a preference for yoga... (I always will) but when I have to be presentable... yes, I'm in maternity clothes. It's hard to find them that fit right, though... so I still wear my stretchy jeans with a rubber band on the button. :)

Stretch marks? None

Sleep: It's a love/hate. I love it always, and sometimes it hates me. Still a napper when I can, especially after a rough night. I have been stuffy (nasal) for about 3 months, so that makes sleeping a bit of a challenge some nights. I also developed a weird pregnancy rash that itches like mad, that keeps me awake a lot too.

Best moment this week: a good nights' sleep last night lol

Movement: He's still a nut. I seriously thought Jake was active, but this kid is a NUT. Jake likes to put hot wheels cars on my belly and watch Cohen kick them. He gets hiccups a lot. He is starting to have more inactive periods and due to my past history, with all the failed pregnancies... it is starting to weigh on me more and more.

Food cravings: My cravings have pretty much calmed down. I still like green beans and broccoli a lot, and these apples called "envy" apples? They're really good.

Miss anything? Nah, I've wanted this for so long, that anything that might seem unenjoyable or undesirable is very welcomed.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really. Just still stuff at work sometimes, and snot.

Have you started to show yet: Every day it changes. If I'm in scrubs, mostly no. In normal clothes, it just depends on Cohen's position in my belly. He recently moved to the head down position most the time, and when he's like that, my belly is smaller.

Belly Button in or out? Still in. Never popped out with Jake, so not expecting it this time.

Wedding rings on or off? Still on. Never got tight with Jake, I'll be surprised if they do this time. They're pretty darn loose right now. 

Labor signs? Thankfully, no! I have noticed that I have a lot more Braxton Hicks with this pregnancy and I had a night where I was cramping a lot, but since I triage that kinda stuff for a living, I just did what I would tell any other 24 weeker that was cramping lol and it went away.

Happy or Moody most of the time: very moody still.

Milestones: making it to viability at 24 weeks.

Overall, I'm battling a lot of freaking out right now. I had gone through a time where I'd felt more comfortable about the pregnancy, but I'm starting to get more leery about things again. If I can be honest, I am so jealous of my pregnant friends that are able to carelessly decorate their baby's nursery, or buy clothes and accessories. I get anxious just thinking about those things! I feel so jaded and I get so angry sometimes that I am constantly worrying. I have a really good support system. They get to hear me freaking out a lot. 

Twenty

We made it to 20 weeks! I can't even believe it! Honestly, I never thought I'd see this day again. So, I'm so thankful to be here and be experiencing it again.

How far along? 20 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: I tried soooo hard to pack on some pounds this month! And... it worked!! I'm up to a total pregnancy gain of 7 pounds! Not bad!

Maternity clothes? Yeeeees. I still prefer yoga pants though. :) Maybe that's just the mom in me.

Stretch marks? Nope.

Sleep: Sleep is getting better. Not as sleepy. Still love naps. Having a harder time getting comfortable at night.

Best moment this week: making it to the halfway mark!

Have you told family and friends: Announced on Christmas Eve to family. NYE to facebook lol.

Movement: The CHILD is WILD. He's just as, if not more, active than Jake was. We could see him moving around 18-19 weeks. It's like it went from flutters to full body slams overnight! He's crazy. I'm glad.

Food cravings: I seriously have the weirdest, weirdest, weirdest cravings ever with this pregnancy!!! Sauerkraut, steamed broccoli, salad, baby spinach salad, pears.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really. Just stuff at work sometimes, lol

Have you started to show yet: Oh geez. I'm the size I was at like 30 weeks with Jake.

Gender prediction: IT'S A BOY!!! SO excited for Jake to get a brother. I feel like it's the best gift I could ever give him. 

Belly Button in or out? still in.

Wedding rings on or off? still on.

Happy or Moody most of the time: very moody

Milestones: halfway!

15 weeks

How far along? 15 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: I GAINED two pounds! I'm almost up to my pre-pregnancy with Jake weight!

Maternity clothes? Still sometimes. Still lots of yoga pant wearing... and those stretchy jeans are gonna be worn out!! But I love em!

Stretch marks? Nope.

Sleep: Sleep is getting better. I still go to bed very early, but I wake up pretty early and I still nap almost daily.

Best moment this week: I entered my second trimester a while back! That was major! I have felt very occasional flutters in my belly.

Have you told family and friends: Most people in my immediate, every day life, now know.

Movement: rarely

Food cravings: Ok... weirdest craving ever... a glass of pickle juice on ice. Also, pickles (vlasic farmers garden kind), Caesar salad, cheese and crackers.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not a lot this week, I am finally starting to get some relief from the nausea I have been begging for!

Have you started to show yet: I can't believe how big or "fat" my belly is getting!! 

Gender prediction: I think it's a boy. We should know soon what it is. But we're keeping it secret till Christmas Eve!!!

Belly Button in or out? still in.

Wedding rings on or off? still on.

Happy or Moody most of the time: mostly emotional

Weekly Wisdom: don't eat a lot at once, it causes way too much indigestion issues.

Milestones: nausea is on its way OUT.

12 weeks

How far along? 12 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I gained the pounds back that I had lost, so I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

Maternity clothes? Sometimes. But still mostly yoga pants and my stretchy jeans.

Stretch marks? No.

Sleep: Still having a hard time at night with the sleeping and staying asleep. I get sleepy very early, around 8-9 and have to go to bed. I usually end up having to take a nap at some point the next day too. I am SO exhausted this time around! But I chalk it up to having a toddler running amuck during this pregnancy.

Best moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat. That's always the best moments of the week.

Have you told family and friends: We told our families on Thanksgiving (right before 12 weeks), and I had a bleeding scare at 10 weeks, that made me have to let my work know since I had to leave immediately. (I had a very small subchorionic hematoma, which from my understanding can be common and not really cause any harm... it's not caused me a single problem since that day at 10 weeks) 

Movement: not yet!

Food cravings: chocolate malts, smoothies from McD. I want sweet tea so bad I can't even see straight!!!!!

Anything making you queasy or sick: everything.

Have you started to show yet: getting bigger everyday it seems.

Gender prediction: I don't know what I think anymore. I go from one to the next, from week to week.

Belly Button in or out? in. 

Wedding rings on or off? on. 

Happy or Moody most of the time: Very moody, very emotional.

Weekly Wisdom: Nap!

Milestones: I got to stop taking progesterone because the placenta has taken over!!