A Lorax Birthday

This post is like forever old, I have no idea why I never posted it???

Jake turned THREE. I seriously can not believe that kid is 3 YEARS old. I was just telling someone yesterday how cool it is as they grow older, the relationship that you begin to build with them. He is just such a cool kid. I love to just be with him. He has taught me more in three years, than I could ever have imagined a three year old kid could teach someone. I'm starting to have those conflicting feelings you get before you bring a second kiddo into the home. I know he'll be fine. And I know this is a gift to him that I have been wanting to give him for what seems like his whole little life. I am thrilled to watch him grow into a big brother, but I still get sad when I think about him not being my only baby anymore. Even though I have been wishing for this for a long time!

Anyway! Back to the party!

Jake has loved the book, "The Lorax" by Dr. Seuss. We have read and reread that book, probably a thousand times a piece! He got the movie for Christmas and was just as obsessed with it. We watched that movie almost every day! It's a good thing it's a good movie!

In trying to find a good "theme" for his party (since we all know I do love doing his birthday stuffs!) I just couldn't find a good one! So, I picked the one thing that wasn't totally cheesy, that he loved at that moment. Which was... LORAX!

If you know much about the Lorax, you know he was a peculiar little fella who cared a lot about trees, truffula trees, to be exact, and he had a big mustache! So the decor had a lot of staches, which I guess is perfect right now.

Then there was the food. I always tend to go overboard on the food situations. Whatever. It's fun. It's one day a year.

It was a fun day!

Three Times We Prayed.

In January of last year, after my third (and last) miscarriage, I kept coming across a certain set of verses.

Three different times I begged the Lord to take it away. Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me. That’s why I take pleasure in my weaknesses, and in the insults, hardships, persecutions, and troubles that I suffer for Christ. For when I am weak, then I am strong. -2 Corinthians 12:8-10

I didn't know then, what those verses would eventually mean to me. In the same week that I kept reading them and seeing them over and over, a friend even text the passage to me. After I blogged about it then, and we decided to stop trying, I tucked that little passage away in the back of my mind. I continued to work on me and us and being thankful. We spent the next few months really living it up and pouring ourselves into the biggest blessing our life has known thus far. It really was a wonderful time, a time of healing.

Shortly before we got pregnant again, I began seeing that set of verses pop up again. I don't know about you, but as a Christian, when a certain set of verses keeps coming up, I pay attention! Three different times I did beg the Lord to take away the pain of suffering losses. And each time He helped me get back up when I was weak. I was so weak. So, so, so weak. But now. Now I AM glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that Christ can work through me. There it is... I knew it was for a reason, but to read it from The Word as if it was written exactly FOR my circumstances. Wow.

So, I feel like it is only necessary that we include this set of verses somehow in our little guy's life. I am going to make a a wall canvas so that every time I see it, I remember...His grace is all I need. And I remember how his power DID work best in weakness, just like He said it would. So that's why I don't keep quiet about my story. I could, I guess, but then how could people celebrate in Christ's power with me? I feel like I owe it to Him to make it known of all He has done for me.

I was talking to my mom yesterday about something that we know, but we never apply, because we are so human. I just got to thinking about how much grief and how much of a burden I could have given up if I would have just remembered the above verses. Why, oh why, can we not just remember that and apply it when we are going through it?? :)

Thanking God for these bruises today.

Have a happy rest of your Wednesday, friends!

25 weeks

I figured at this point, I'd feel so much more relaxed than I'm feeling right now!!! June cannot get here fast enough!!

This is my friend, Kristen. She is Kale's mom, Jake's good buddy. When we were pregnant with our boys, we were 12 weeks apart. Same thing this time! So crazy!

This is Shara. We worked together for a few years. She is Paisley's mom, Jake's favorite girl friend. Same thing! Our kiddos are 7 weeks apart and our fetuses are too! Ha!

How far along? 25 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: 9 pounds up from pre-pregnancy weight

Maternity clothes? Still have a preference for yoga... (I always will) but when I have to be presentable... yes, I'm in maternity clothes. It's hard to find them that fit right, though... so I still wear my stretchy jeans with a rubber band on the button. :)

Stretch marks? None

Sleep: It's a love/hate. I love it always, and sometimes it hates me. Still a napper when I can, especially after a rough night. I have been stuffy (nasal) for about 3 months, so that makes sleeping a bit of a challenge some nights. I also developed a weird pregnancy rash that itches like mad, that keeps me awake a lot too.

Best moment this week: a good nights' sleep last night lol

Movement: He's still a nut. I seriously thought Jake was active, but this kid is a NUT. Jake likes to put hot wheels cars on my belly and watch Cohen kick them. He gets hiccups a lot. He is starting to have more inactive periods and due to my past history, with all the failed pregnancies... it is starting to weigh on me more and more.

Food cravings: My cravings have pretty much calmed down. I still like green beans and broccoli a lot, and these apples called "envy" apples? They're really good.

Miss anything? Nah, I've wanted this for so long, that anything that might seem unenjoyable or undesirable is very welcomed.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really. Just still stuff at work sometimes, and snot.

Have you started to show yet: Every day it changes. If I'm in scrubs, mostly no. In normal clothes, it just depends on Cohen's position in my belly. He recently moved to the head down position most the time, and when he's like that, my belly is smaller.

Belly Button in or out? Still in. Never popped out with Jake, so not expecting it this time.

Wedding rings on or off? Still on. Never got tight with Jake, I'll be surprised if they do this time. They're pretty darn loose right now. 

Labor signs? Thankfully, no! I have noticed that I have a lot more Braxton Hicks with this pregnancy and I had a night where I was cramping a lot, but since I triage that kinda stuff for a living, I just did what I would tell any other 24 weeker that was cramping lol and it went away.

Happy or Moody most of the time: very moody still.

Milestones: making it to viability at 24 weeks.

Overall, I'm battling a lot of freaking out right now. I had gone through a time where I'd felt more comfortable about the pregnancy, but I'm starting to get more leery about things again. If I can be honest, I am so jealous of my pregnant friends that are able to carelessly decorate their baby's nursery, or buy clothes and accessories. I get anxious just thinking about those things! I feel so jaded and I get so angry sometimes that I am constantly worrying. I have a really good support system. They get to hear me freaking out a lot. 

Twenty

We made it to 20 weeks! I can't even believe it! Honestly, I never thought I'd see this day again. So, I'm so thankful to be here and be experiencing it again.

How far along? 20 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: I tried soooo hard to pack on some pounds this month! And... it worked!! I'm up to a total pregnancy gain of 7 pounds! Not bad!

Maternity clothes? Yeeeees. I still prefer yoga pants though. :) Maybe that's just the mom in me.

Stretch marks? Nope.

Sleep: Sleep is getting better. Not as sleepy. Still love naps. Having a harder time getting comfortable at night.

Best moment this week: making it to the halfway mark!

Have you told family and friends: Announced on Christmas Eve to family. NYE to facebook lol.

Movement: The CHILD is WILD. He's just as, if not more, active than Jake was. We could see him moving around 18-19 weeks. It's like it went from flutters to full body slams overnight! He's crazy. I'm glad.

Food cravings: I seriously have the weirdest, weirdest, weirdest cravings ever with this pregnancy!!! Sauerkraut, steamed broccoli, salad, baby spinach salad, pears.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not really. Just stuff at work sometimes, lol

Have you started to show yet: Oh geez. I'm the size I was at like 30 weeks with Jake.

Gender prediction: IT'S A BOY!!! SO excited for Jake to get a brother. I feel like it's the best gift I could ever give him. 

Belly Button in or out? still in.

Wedding rings on or off? still on.

Happy or Moody most of the time: very moody

Milestones: halfway!

15 weeks

How far along? 15 weeks!

Total weight gain/loss: I GAINED two pounds! I'm almost up to my pre-pregnancy with Jake weight!

Maternity clothes? Still sometimes. Still lots of yoga pant wearing... and those stretchy jeans are gonna be worn out!! But I love em!

Stretch marks? Nope.

Sleep: Sleep is getting better. I still go to bed very early, but I wake up pretty early and I still nap almost daily.

Best moment this week: I entered my second trimester a while back! That was major! I have felt very occasional flutters in my belly.

Have you told family and friends: Most people in my immediate, every day life, now know.

Movement: rarely

Food cravings: Ok... weirdest craving ever... a glass of pickle juice on ice. Also, pickles (vlasic farmers garden kind), Caesar salad, cheese and crackers.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Not a lot this week, I am finally starting to get some relief from the nausea I have been begging for!

Have you started to show yet: I can't believe how big or "fat" my belly is getting!! 

Gender prediction: I think it's a boy. We should know soon what it is. But we're keeping it secret till Christmas Eve!!!

Belly Button in or out? still in.

Wedding rings on or off? still on.

Happy or Moody most of the time: mostly emotional

Weekly Wisdom: don't eat a lot at once, it causes way too much indigestion issues.

Milestones: nausea is on its way OUT.

12 weeks

How far along? 12 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: I gained the pounds back that I had lost, so I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight.

Maternity clothes? Sometimes. But still mostly yoga pants and my stretchy jeans.

Stretch marks? No.

Sleep: Still having a hard time at night with the sleeping and staying asleep. I get sleepy very early, around 8-9 and have to go to bed. I usually end up having to take a nap at some point the next day too. I am SO exhausted this time around! But I chalk it up to having a toddler running amuck during this pregnancy.

Best moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat. That's always the best moments of the week.

Have you told family and friends: We told our families on Thanksgiving (right before 12 weeks), and I had a bleeding scare at 10 weeks, that made me have to let my work know since I had to leave immediately. (I had a very small subchorionic hematoma, which from my understanding can be common and not really cause any harm... it's not caused me a single problem since that day at 10 weeks) 

Movement: not yet!

Food cravings: chocolate malts, smoothies from McD. I want sweet tea so bad I can't even see straight!!!!!

Anything making you queasy or sick: everything.

Have you started to show yet: getting bigger everyday it seems.

Gender prediction: I don't know what I think anymore. I go from one to the next, from week to week.

Belly Button in or out? in. 

Wedding rings on or off? on. 

Happy or Moody most of the time: Very moody, very emotional.

Weekly Wisdom: Nap!

Milestones: I got to stop taking progesterone because the placenta has taken over!!

Finally...

Well, here we are friends. I have prayed for this moment for what seems like an eternity. Although, it has really only been a couple of years. We are... wait for it... it's good, ya'll...

we

....

are

.....

PREGNANT!!!!!!!! 

Woooo!!!

YES! I've wanted to post and shout it from the rooftops sooner than now, but I have been so mixed with my emotions, that I wanted to make sure I was excited when I announced, rather than doubtful and faithless. Which is how I feel like I have spent the last 17 weeks.  I have been keeping track of things and my emotions and feelings, but privately since I wasn't "public" yet with our news. So, I am going to just start by telling the story, then posting a couple other extra posts.

Derick and I had been talking about, and praying about adopting. Of course, it is our calling, as Christian people to reach out to orphans. I still don't feel like God has closed the door completely in that area. However, we were so close to starting the process that I had phone numbers ready to call when we got back from our trip in September. On the third day of my cycle (sorry if that's TMI) I felt like I should just ask Derick what he thought about trying one more time. I prayed about how to ask him, and I really felt God pushing me to ask NOW. I was a bit hesitant, but did anyway. (I'm glad I did) We hadn't tried at all in many, many months. We had been preventing up until that point. To my surprise, Derick was very on board and agreed that we should at least try once more before proceeding with an adoption. This was cycle day 5, when I brought it up to D. I was to start the clomid process ON that day. So, thankfully, Doctor Optimistic's office was quick to call in the script, and I was right on track with my Clomid pills. As we all know well, I am very pessimistic. I went into this basically knowing it wasn't going to work, so I was pretty much just ignoring the fact that we were trying and I was taking meds, etc. Besides... we were leaving for our vacation in a few days after that! So my mind was kept quite busy. I ovulated sometime on the cruise, and apparently it worked. I found out at 3w5d (crazy, I know) the same cycle day I found out with Jake's pregnancy. I immediately phoned Dr. Optimistic to let him know, and we started my pregnancy regimen. At that time, I was taking a pill that has extra folic acid and b vitamins, and a baby aspirin a day. The day I found out, I added Lovenox shots, and progesterone to the mix. I spent a lot of time praying and trying to forget that I was pregnant. I had quants drawn, and MUCH to my surprise, they always went up perfectly. I still tried to forget that I was pregnant. In the past, I had begun the bonding process most women go through as soon as they find out. I had lost so many, in a row, that I just couldn't let my mind go there. I had my first appt at 5w4d. Everything looked perfect. But I was still skeptical. I lost track of my appointments because unfortunately, I had a LOT of freak out moments causing me to have to be seen in the office to calm my insane fears from my past history. The Dr.'s office has been exceptionally wonderful with me. If I could give a shout out on a blog I totally would give one to Tulsa Women's Health Care... they have been incredible from the get go. Not just this pregnancy... all of the past. Anyway, at one point, Dr. Optimistic looked me square in the face, after one of my freak out visits, and told me that I have got to just trust God, calm down and let Him handle it. He also said he didn't want to offend me by saying that because he really cares about this pregnancy and my wellbeing. HA! I already know I'm crazy!! But it was really nice to hear all that, if nothing else. I told him he's going to be soooo thankful when this pregnancy is over! Every visit from about 9 or 10 weeks on, he's asked me if I am feeling better about things yet. Which I always say no to, because I don't think I'll ever feel 100% safe until I've got a baby in my arms. And he always says he feels great about it, I'm past my bad point. Ha! Of course Dr. Optimistic feels great about it! Debbie Downer over here... not so much.

I'm going to include my first questionnaire in this post, I may or may not keep them up!

How far along? 9 weeks

Total weight gain/loss: No weight gain, I lost a couple pounds. :(

Maternity clothes? No. Just lots of yoga pants and stretchy jeans. My regulars are just too snug these days for my poor bruised up belly. I feel like I'd still have a few more weeks left if my belly wasn't all sore.

Stretch marks? No.

Sleep: Hard time with sleep at night. Wake up to potty 1-2 times a night, then stay awake for about an hour afterward. I take lots of naps to make up for it.

Best moment this week: Finally being slammed with the nausea I have been literally begging God for!

Have you told family and friends: Family, yes-I told Derick of course, and Tana of course lol, and my mom immediately, my dad and sister within that first week or so. Friends, only a very few. I realize that to get prayer, you have to tell people. So a select few we told, so they could be praying.

Movement: too early

Food cravings: This changes weekly, almost daily. It ranges from Charlie's Chicken, to KFC mashed potatoes.

Anything making you queasy or sick: Pizza

Have you started to show yet: yes, but I'm work hard at hiding it. I was very shocked to see my belly start to protrude this early. I guess the second one really does show quicker! Plus, I am about 5 pounds under what I started out at with Jake.

Gender prediction: I think it's a girl.

Belly Button in or out? in. It never popped out with Jake.

Wedding rings on or off? on. I never had swollen fingers before either.

Happy or Moody most of the time: very, VERY moody.

Weekly Wisdom: Take advantage of the non-nausea time and get things done then! 

Milestones: NAUSEA has made its presence known!!!!